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Topic: Introducing myself

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Tia Rose
    Tia Rose avatar
    3 posts
    12 February 2020

    Dear Beyondblue members

    I’ve joined the forum for support and to communicate with others that live with anxiety.

    I am going through a bad patch. This is affecting my marriage a lot.

    I crave security but my issues are driving him away and I think he can’t understand my anxiety.

    We have been together a long time 25 years. Lately all he talks about is me leaving or him leaving and the added pressure is a challenge for me. As I hate insecurity. He’s also recently semi retired and I find change a challenge due to childhood trauma and massive ongoing change and stress.

    I don’t have family or friends here that I can talk to. We live interstate and moved 9 years ago for his work which was supposed to be a 3-4 year move.

    Now the change in our circumstances (his retirement) means he’s reluctant to spend what interstate relocation would cost but I don’t want to commit to living here forever. I am 10 years younger than him and still work but part time.

    Recently my GP referred me to a psychiatrist to see about alternative medication. I’ve been for one visit and will go back we have not decided to change medication yet but I do take medication currently.

    i exercise, eat well, have had lots of therapy over the years but sometimes I just can’t cope. I feel like I’m talking to my husband too much about my issues - I need to find a way to self soothe and switch off. But at times I need to talk.

    I’m seeing my GP today and will ask about a mental leak that plan.

    What I really miss is my husband and wish we could talk but he just gets frustrated, then cross and that just makes me feel worse.

    I don’t want the marriage to fail.

    Thank you for reading my post.

    Tia Rose 🌸

    1 person found this helpful
  2. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10416 posts
    12 February 2020 in reply to Tia Rose

    Hello Tia Rose

    welcome to the forums and especially for having the courage to post!

    I understand your pain after I used to have chronic anxiety for a long time and it can be a horrible place to be in and would understandably be having an effect on your marriage...

    You are not alone having a partner that doesnt understand the symptoms of having an anxiety condition...as per your post above..This is very common

    Can I ask if your anxiety has a negative affect on your day to day well being? You mentioned 'my issues are driving him away and I think he can’t understand my anxiety'

    This is only my humble opinion Tia Rose..if thats okay!...Your issues are not driving him away at all...as per your post he seems be unwilling to accept the the anxiety you are experiencing...which makes it his issue..not yours

    Would your husband be willing to accompany you to your doctors appointment so he can grasp what you are going through?

    Just sharing with you Tia Rose...I also take meds...been to therapy etc and have done so since 1996

    Any anxiety condition is awful to have....What anxiety symptoms have you been experiencing ?..... just so we can provide a better level of support if thats okay :-)

    we are listening Tia Rose

    my kind thoughts


  3. Tia Rose
    Tia Rose avatar
    3 posts
    13 February 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Dear Paul

    Thank you for your kind and insightful reply. I have tears of gratitude as I feel so misunderstood.

    Anxiety definitely had an effect on my day to day well being. Often (most days) I wake up with a pounding heart. I startle easily. My self esteem is affected. I worry, I feel fearful of major decisions. I feel alone, unheard, abnormal and wish I could escape my feelings.

    Paul you are spot on my husband is not willing to recognise anxiety however even if he accompanied me to doctor I’m not sure he’d understand. Anxiety is not in his DNA he just gets on with it and wants me to do the same. Stoic type.

    Thank you for sharing that you take meds too. I want to be honest and say I’m not keen to change my medication. However I also want to feel less anxious.

    I have taken the current medication for years. My present anxiety is due to feeling insecure with so much massive change occurring.

    As examples of issues I’m dealing with:

    My husband made the decision to retire. Big change in finances.

    He is now getting the house ready to sell. I want some stability right now he only left work September 19. I am also feeling if we sell and buy again that I’ve permanently committed to Victoria which I am not ready to do.

    Our neighbours are angry as we objected to their build plans (as did 5 people). We objected as they were to build brick walls adjacent our bedroom and family basically bricking us in. They have hung a wind chime outside our bedroom window that is driving me crazy. My husband asked them if they would mind moving it - they said no as due to our objection they are going to VCAT (a tribunal) to get council decisions overturned and if anything they have good mind to hang more wind chimes. (We have not had this issue ever in the past with disgruntled neighbours.) This causes anxiety and stress.

    We have had stress with ongoing house maintenance and cost.

    My Mum has put her house on market in WA (where we moved from). I’m concerned she’s aging and I’ve seen little of her maybe once per year since we moved to VIC 9 years ago. We have to finance her trips as she can not afford to.

    Thank you for saying you are listening. I’m grateful as I feel like no one is listening.

    What helped you Paul as you say you used to have chronic anxiety. What did you find has helped to manage this.

    Thank you for being there and for your help. I’m grateful.


  4. Tia Rose
    Tia Rose avatar
    3 posts
    13 February 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Hi again Paul

    A second post as I would like to describe my anxiety symptoms.

    I wake with a pounding heart and it’s hard not to start worrying.

    I find it difficult to eat (I’ve lost 7 kilos over past 6 months due to ongoing stress). I force myself to eat and eat healthy foods.

    I feel I want to talk about my worries and long for someone to talk to.

    I feel fearful of making decisions in case I make a bad one and add anxiety.

    On occasion I’ve started to get a dry mouth.

    My hands tremble - especially in the morning.

    I want to avoid tasks (feel burnt out).

    I cry at times especially in the morning.

    I have done a lot of work over the years on myself. So I try to eat right, exercise on days I can, distract myself and often by evening feel a bit to a lot better - only to have to repeat the whole process again the next morning.

    I would be grateful for any ideas or techniques that have helped you to live a better life and helped you to manage your anxiety.

    Thank you Paul

    Tia 🌸

  5. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    2549 posts
    13 February 2020 in reply to Tia Rose
    Hi Tia Rose,
    We are sorry to hear what you are going through. It is good to see that you are using this forum to reach out for support and are connecting with people to learn more about managing anxiety. 
    You spoke about wanting to talk to someone about your worries. We would encourage you to speak to your GP and get a referral to a psychologist. Or you can call our Support Service on 1300 22 4636. We can help 24 hours a day, seven days a week with counselling support, information and referrals.
    Take care,
    Beyond blue
  6. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10416 posts
    14 February 2020 in reply to Tia Rose

    Hi Tia....and thankyou Sophie_M for suggesting having someone to talk to....

    You have spoken from the heart in your posts which are highly valued....and that takes courage Tia...Nice1 :-)

    I really hope you can continue to be a part of the forum family Tia....

    Your well being is paramount. With respect to what you have been going through....Can I ask if you are comfortable having a 'chat' with your GP?.....Even if you book a double appointment?...Its only through my own experience with anxiety that having super frequent visits are a huge help to us in such a difficult time

    Most GP's have a proactive understanding re our anxiety issues and can be a huge help

    we are here and listening Tia

    my kind thoughts


  7. Healing heart
    Healing heart  avatar
    21 posts
    17 February 2020 in reply to Tia Rose

    Hi there,

    Sorry this is happening. Have you also thought about couples counselling. I hope your individual counsellor is helping. It is long term marriage and it is worth putting time and effort into. I hope you find help you need here.

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