You've nothing to be concerned about for in no way do I find you manipulative. You're a very open and honest person :) It's always refreshing to connect with people such as yourself.
Waking up to people can be a tough process at times, that's for sure. I've found it's kind of like being asleep to people and then, bamm, you get some big psychological slap and finally wake up. Then you're kind of left to wonder 'Have they always been a bit that way and I've been asleep through the whole relationship?' In some cases I've found waking up to certain people to be somewhat depressing. It can even leave you feeling a bit ripped off, 'Why do I have to do the hard work in coming to terms with such a depressing nature, in another? Why can't they do some of the hard work when it comes to being more conscious, more thoughtful?' I've found, in the quest to better understand people there can be a lot of questions. Like with yourself, it's in my nature to read into things. I find you get a lot of answers this way. Sometimes those answers involve hits and sometimes misses. Reading and mastering sensing exactly what you're reading takes practice. Don't give up practicing. Practice makes perfect :)
Physical pain can be so mind altering, so depressing at times. My mum lives with pain every day, it's just a matter of the intensity of it. With her having a lot of specialists in her employment, there have been occasions where she's said 'I feel my whole life is about pain and appointments'. I think it's easy to lose sight of the fact that sometimes we can identify our self through our experiences. So, in her case, 'I am someone who has nothing but pain and appointments'. It's at these times where I show her who she really is. If I bestow on her the identify of 'Food critic', we go out to taste a meal, for example. Lockdowns here in Melbourne have been challenging for her, not being able to get out, to be someone different from who she sees herself as. Being at home doesn't necessarily stop us though. I may bestow on her the identify of 'Speaker of absolute nonsense'. We speak nonsense to the point where it's laughable. The world can appear far too serious and even depressing at times Chunty. One of the ways I manage my mental health is through occasionally indulging in nonsense :)
Do you ever question the doctors who don't provide you with enough avenues regarding pain relief? Do you feel they should be better detectives, finding what would make a difference?