Topic: my closest family have real struggles

Hello I am 46 struggling at bit at the moment, well alot. My brother just went through brain surgery to remove a tumour, the surgery went well but there is some permanent damage. My mother pass away a about 3 years ago and my father live with us, he has dementia and keeps getting lost. My My has Brest cancer and all the problems that go with that. Our relationship is very difficult at the moment, she told me she can no longer have sex. I feel overwhelmed and sinking I have no one to talk to because my closest family have real struggles

Hi Camero,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing here.
It sounds like you are managing a lot right now. We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like you have no one to talk to because of the struggles your family are also facing.

While we can hear you don’t feel like talking to your family is an option right now, we do want to remind you that there is always someone to talk to, and you always deserve to feel heard, understood and supported as you process everything that is going on in your family. Our Support Service would welcome your call, anytime, on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Hi Camero,

I am sorry to hear this. it sounds like you have been through a lot. i am here to talk if you need me.

have you spoken to your doctor about this? they might be able to help you.

all the best,

jaz xx

No I never thought a doctor would deal with this

Hello Camero, I am literally so very sorry for all that has happened, with your partner trying to understand why she has breast cancer, your mum who has passed away, dementia controlling your dad and with what your brother has had to struggle with, not only now, but for what lays ahead for him, as I have also had a blood clot and know what it actually does to someone.

Unfortunately, we are unable to talk privately but realise that you and those affected have a great deal to cope with, so can I please suggest that you talk with your doctor who may offer several suggestions that can help you.

Please let us know what is going on, so e can help you and by all means we'd love to hear back from you.

My very best.

Geoff.

Hi Camero,

Speaking to a doctor can help to receive suggestions about potentially seeing a psychologist or going to therapy to help work through the struggles you're experiencing.

Jaz

Hello Camero,

You certainly have a lot going on within your family, & I can see how this all worries & upsets you.

If you can make a long appointment with your GP & talk over all these problems, they can give you good advice. All your family member may have their own GPs they can talk to.

Your GP can help you, &, if you want, they can help find a Psychologist to help you learn how to deal with the stress & upset, & how this is getting you dowm.

Your brother, your father & your wife all will have other specialist Doctors, who they have seen for their conditions. You might have to help to get in contact with some of these & have your brother, father & wife talk to their own Doctors.

Personally, I have had breast cancer, & surgery for that this year, & I know they have people who will be willing & able to talk to your wife about any changes in how she feels about sex.

Try to be patient with your wife. She has been through a lot, & it's scary & stressfu, & she too, surely feels for your brother & father, just as you do.

May I ask, how do you feel your relationship with your wife is going? Are you close & strong, like a team? Or is there so much stress that this is making your relationship & communication between you difficult?

Talk here as you feel comfortable to do. You don't need to even tell us the answers to my questions if you don't want to.

Warm regards,

mmMekitty

Hi Camero,

Welcome to the forum.

I can tell it must be very hard when you're the last one your whole family can rely on but there's no one else supports you.

I think one thing you can do to help yourself released a bit is to try to help your family get more support from various resources in the community. Some of the supporting resources are free, while others are not free but affordable. I do suggest you to give Beyondblue hotline a call to discuss supporting resources they can refer.

And for you maybe you need more social connection. When your family cannot provide enough care you need close friends, hobby clubs, social activities, to have more sense of fulfilling and belonging. Probably you'll have more mood and energy to make those connections for yourself after helping your family be better looked after.

Mark

I really thought we were a team, but it seems I have hurt her too much over the years. She has made comments that she feels she has wasted her life with me. I can't face work and I keep breaking down for no reason. I can't imagine or begin to understand how and what she feels.

Hi Camero,

Thank you for replying. It's sad how your relationship is so strained. It sounds as if there is not much communication & intimacy at all right now. Do you think your wife would be willing to work towards rebuilding a better relationships with you, & do you feel you could work towards that, too?

You might like to talk to someone at . Since they have different numbers for locations around Australia, here is the National number & they will put you in contact with a local office. ph: 1300 36 42 77

You & your wife need each other so much now. I really hope you can get to talking together & supporting each other again.

Through your words, I see how much your concerns for the welfare of your family has been weighing you down, which is ample reason to feel overwhelmed, & to 'break down'. It's with this in mind, I would urge you to speak to your GP, & seek the help of a Psychologist. Your GP can help you find one to talk to.

I know it won't be easy. I think you have already begun, when you first reach out for someone to talk to here. Please consider calling BB's own Counselling Service as well, on ph: 1300 22 46 36.

Warmly,

mmMekitty