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Topic: Newbie Single Dad feeling quite low

15 posts, 0 answered
  1. CRW1985
    CRW1985 avatar
    1 posts
    6 December 2019
    Hey all,

    So I have been at a fair low point for the last few weeks and I feel so alone and everything has just caught up to me emotionally. Taking on a new role at work has added extra pressure to me, I am struggling to find a house to move into so I can truly separate from my ex, mediation for my daughter comes up soon and will probably lead to family court, and I have minimal, if any friends for support. Plus I do find it hard being single and feel like no one wants me as I do suffer a lot of rejection.

    I felt here would be the best place to find that I'm not alone, as a lot of people here are definitely experiencing the same things I am.

    I hope to not only find good support here but also be support for others.

    Thank you all for listening.

    -Chris
  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    118 posts
    6 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985

    Hi Chris

    Welcome to the forum, it is such a wonderful place to get some support and to let out how you are feeling in a caring and non judgmental community. I am so sorry that you are feeling so very alone and that you don't have the support around you that you need when things like family court and mediation is so very much to think about and to worry about too.

    There are many people here that are experiencing something too, whether it be the loss of a loved one or rejection in a relationship or anxiety and depression ....that is why you are so supported here, together we really are stronger.

    There are some wonderful support lines too like the Beyond blue line that you can call if you feel like you need to speak to an actual person, otherwise we are happy to chat with you here as long as you need to.

    Congratulations on your new role, while it is always a little daunting starting a new role it will settle down and you will wonder why you were concerned at all, just believe in you as you obviously were offered the role as you are very capable. It does make it harder though when you have so much on your plate and that you are filled with so much worry outside of work.

    We are here for you Chris and we will chat to you anytime you like.

    hugs to you

    AS

    1 person found this helpful
  3. iamanxiety
    iamanxiety avatar
    5 posts
    6 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985
    Hi Chris,

    you are not alone in this. I can relate to everything that you have said and am going through a similar situation.

    I am getting medication and therapy for my depression and anxiety and I'm stating to get through the fog.

    this forum has some great advice and kind words.

    all the best with your situation and remember you are not alone .
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Purple4
    Purple4 avatar
    1 posts
    6 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985

    Hi Chris

    I am so glad you found the forums and have reached out. Just under 10 years ago I was in a very similar situation to you when my husband walked out. Seperation / divorce is stressful enough but add depression and anxiety to the mix well, I have no words.

    I had many court issues regarding my children and they dragged on as my divorce did for years. I just want you to know that I made it and so will you.

    I am a loner and have no support network so it was a very lonely time. I felt like noone would ever want me and I would spend the rest of my life alone.

    My kids are adults now and I'm so proud to say I raised them well. They were the reason I got out of bed every day.

    Please keep reaching out. You are not alone

    1 person found this helpful
  5. CRW1985
    CRW1985 avatar
    1 posts
    6 December 2019 in reply to Purple4
    I also class myself as a loner purely for the fact that not many people choose to associate with me. It's like I have a repellent all over me, and it doesn't matter how interactive I am, a high percentage of people I try to connect with will not give me the time of day.
  6. Purple4
    Purple4 avatar
    1 posts
    7 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985

    Chris I truly can relate to you. I've often thought and feel that I don't fit in society. Maybe I try to hard, I really don't know. You say you feel like you repell people, that is a feeling I also understand all too well. I wish I had answers for you.

    I've never felt that I'm anyones first choice. It's more like people put up with me because they have to. It is a terrible head space to be in. Being anti social makes it nearly impossible to meet people.

    I'd like to hear more about your life if you feel like talking

    Take care 😀

  7. ITnErd6
    ITnErd6 avatar
    6 posts
    9 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985

    Hi CRW1985,

    I'm only new here as well but I've been through divorce, a messy divorce that lasted 6 plus years.

    I see your'e heading to mediation soon. Are you both taking your lawyers or just a mediator ?

    I hope its just a mediator, lawyers tend to over complicate things and bill you a lot of money. From my experience if you can get close with the financial settlement and she wants another 10-15 percent, pause for a bit and just agree. If you can settle it at mediation you will save yourself a small fortune in legal bills which can easily make that extra 15 percent seem like nothing.

    A good mediator will tell you before starting that nothing said can be used later in court. My mediation wasn't like that and her lawyer brought up all sorts of stuff said at mediation, twisted it around and used it against me. Admittedly in hindsight my Ex was never going to be happy until she had her victory in court. Everyone is different though.

    I hope you haven't already been sucked into the family court vortex, its not pleasant or cheap.

    Keep posting on here, everyone seems welcoming and friendly.

  8. CRW1985
    CRW1985 avatar
    1 posts
    11 December 2019 in reply to Purple4
    I wouldn't say I'm anti-social. I search for connection, it just isn't established because the other parties never seem to want to take it any further. I don't feel like I have a group to belong to. My personality test places me as an introvert, so I've joined introvert social media groups before, and the way they portray what it is to be introvert doesn't relate to me. They are all about shutting themselves away, where as I am seeking thay connection but not obtaining it. I feel very alienated and can't seem to find anyone on the same wavelength as me.
    And I know that they say you have to make changes if you want to be happy, but other people can have a huge impact on how you feel and when it feels like no one wants you, it's hard to make those changes.
  9. CRW1985
    CRW1985 avatar
    1 posts
    11 December 2019 in reply to ITnErd6
    Thankfully I wasn't married so the mediation is not about assets and is about our child. Simply put, she wants me to be the 'weekend' dad and I want it to be 50/50 So myself and her and her children and my children get to see my daughter equally. I would prefer it not to have to go to family court but I can tell we won't agree at mediation as she is set on leaving town.
    I also feel I've failed my daughter as this is something I never wanted to put her through and always thought she'd have a stable family. My son has only seen his mother once in nine years and this is such a stress on him as he is losing people again.
    He has such an attitude and we argue a lot because he targets me like it's my fault and I hate that I have to tell him off but I know that's parenting but I also know life hasn't been easy for him either.
  10. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    894 posts
    11 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985

    Hi Chris

    This is an awful place to be in and I understand what you are going through

    You mentioned "I felt here would be the best place to find that I'm not alone, as a lot of people here are definitely experiencing the same things I am".....You are absolutely spot on Chris....you are not alone here and if you feel up to it you are very welcome to provide support to others too!

    My ex wanted to relocate our 5 year old daughter from VIC to Tasmania back in the 1990's. I had a Family Court order that stated I see my daughter every second weekend. I didnt see my daughter very much as my ex just kept ignoring the court order and refused my fortnightly access...(contact)

    The family court prevented my ex from relocating my daughter from VIC and warned her that she may face imprisonment if she kept stopping my weekend contact visits.

    This cost me not only my mental health (at the time) but also $65,000.

    You havent failed your daughter at all Chris....I have never applied for 50/50 access even though I wanted it. You are a great dad who has his childrens well being and stability as a priority....You can only do what you can in this difficult time

    I hope you can continue to be a part of the forum family Chris....(only if and when you feel like it of course)

    There is no such thing here as a dumb question Chris...just ask away! The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post :-)

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  11. ITnErd6
    ITnErd6 avatar
    6 posts
    11 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985

    Hi CRW1985,

    I understand your desire for your daughters care to be 50/50 but depending on her age it may not be seen to be appropriate. The courts and those associated with the court will favour the parent that the child has the most attachment too, whether thats mum or dad. Who ever was previously providing the most care.

    Week on week off is also discouraged as its considered too long (7 days) for the kid to be away from the main parent. You could try for 50/50 and settle for slightly less. Makes you seem the nice person in mediation. But if the child is young most mediators won't want to write up 50/50 arrangements.

    I think the age threshold is around 5-7 years old but you are best to check that with an expert in child matters.

  12. ITnErd6
    ITnErd6 avatar
    6 posts
    11 December 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

    My ex did similar and blocked my weekends with my son. I had court orders and took it back to court multiple times over the years but the court couldn't see my ex for what she was or the games she was playing.

    I went bankrupt trying to fight it. Eventually it got really complicated and I had to give up to save my sanity.

    I haven't seen him now for 3 years. He is older now and at Uni. I think hes doing ok.

  13. CRW1985
    CRW1985 avatar
    1 posts
    11 December 2019 in reply to ITnErd6
    Our child is as attached to us equally and has had us in her life the same amount of time, as have her and her brothers and sisters. I was also going to add into the mediation that even if it were 50/50, but she was with me and wanted to see her mum then that's what would happen and vice versa. I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Neither myself or my son or my daughter should have to be limited to being together for only weekends and some holidays.
    1 person found this helpful
  14. MsRufus
    MsRufus avatar
    4 posts
    12 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985

    Hi,

    You are not alone! I relate so much to what you are saying!

    Sounds like you are doing well at work which is great!

    Just take one day at a time!

    I am going through a break up of 6 years and finding the feelings of rejection very challenging as well! I know it will get better but at the moment its hard to imagine I will ever be happy again!

    I also dont have a very strong social circle which I am trying to work on, but I feel like such a burden reaching out to friends when I am at my worst!

    I

  15. Homedics
    Homedics avatar
    0 posts
    31 December 2019 in reply to CRW1985
    Hi there
    Things will get better. I've been at the lowest of lows.
    It took time but I did it.
    Yes I have hard day's , but my good days make up for the bad.
    1 person found this helpful

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