I too know the roller coaster of anxiety and spiralling into depression. I want to tell you, you are not alone.
I have had anxiety too where I cannot leave the house and had to retrain myself through gradual exposure due to becoming agrophobic.
I personally was formally diagnosed at 22 but when I reflect it was much earlier
In my child hood.
I feel it does take a lot. It is just hard work and can take more than it gives.
My anxiety is at a peak at the moment. I am seeking further help. I am trying a new psychiatrist and counselling.
I guess I look for different approaches.
When it gets really tough remember you are not alone, even though it feels like it.
If you feel you cannot get to the doctor, I am not sure what state you are in but there might be a Mental Health Triage line you can call. That has helped me and is all confidential.
You have of course Beyond Blue too.
I try and stick to a structure. But know also some days, weeks or blocks can be worse than others.
Maybe if you get stuck call a locum doctor. Do not be afraid to ask for help.
I felt like a burden for so long and did not want to or know how to ask for help.
My person I call on is my aunt.
Do you have one person you can maybe talk to?
I remember I would just be kind to myself. If I had a shower that was a big thing and learnt how to be proud of the small steps.
I did have to go to hospital for further support and I was scared but it ended up being a really good thing.
Remember if you are having a rough time, there is always someone struggling too.
Be kind to yourself. When you ruminate or feel yourself being unkind to yourself try to distract it. There are mindfulness apps, I put on a easy going show, I cry if I need to and talk.
I am not a GP but I know how hard it can be. It is horrible and you feel lost at times.
But just take a day or even a minute at a time.
Don't be hard on yourself and we are all on here to support you.
Sending my thoughts to you.