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Topic: all of my efforts are in vain

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. ocean-man
    ocean-man avatar
    5 posts
    19 January 2021

    title sums things up, i'd say.
    just seems like nothing i do matters in the slightest. every step i take in life is overlooked and ignored for one reason or another. academically, socially, et cetera. i don't make an impact on anything and i'm not sure why i even bother with trying.

    i try studying more than i've ever done for a big test coming up. end up getting a C- anyway.

    i give a compliment to someone, trying to be nice. they stare at me like i'm a freak and walk away.

    i try helping around the house in any way i can. get called lazy anyway.

    i genuinely see no reason why i shouldn't just isolate myself completely because it's obvious i'm not making any sort of impact on the people i meet in any way. i'd even go so far as to say i wouldn't be missed if i wound up dead tomorrow. that's how worthless i feel.

    i like to think i'm doing my best, but clearly i'm not because then i'd be able to turn some heads with my actions. instead i get brushed over and walked past like a background object. like i always do.

    TL;DR - feeling worthless because nothing i do has an effect in any way.

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5483 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to ocean-man
    Dear Ocean-man,

    We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear how down you are feeling. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

    We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
    Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
     
  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9122 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to ocean-man
    Hi, welcome

    I felt exactly the same in 1982, I was then 26yo. In fact I tried leaving society altogether, several times moving into the Bush hoping never to return.

    Two things had developed that I was unaware at the time- my mental illnesses (which were not diagnosed till 2009) and my negative way of thinking.

    Your first port of call could be a GP. An underlying mental illness can be responsible for more than you realise.

    Next, Google the following-

    Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life

    Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

    Beyondblue topic fortress of survival (also parts 2 and 3)

    YouTube maharaji the perfect instrument

    Beyondblue topic meditation, he helped me for 25 years- maharaji

    I'm here daily so reply anytime. Keep chatting, it will help

    TonyWK
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    14905 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to ocean-man

    Hello Ocean_man, what we say as a complement to another person can still be viewed as whether or not it's genuine, not actually by the words we say but the look we display on our face.

    How many times when you get out of bed or go to work/school/function do people remark on our facial expression, they can tell if you look happy or know something is wrong with you, simply by looking at your face, the same might apply when you complement another person but your expression isn't showing you as being happy or content, but your comment is certainly genuine, people take our comments not necessarily by what we say but the look on our face.

    Helping around the house may only be what we're capable of doing, given the state of how we feel, if for example, you are suffering from any type of depression then its impossible to help out as expected, you just can't physically do it.

    The same applies to when you're studying, if you're not well you could look at a page for hours on end, incapable of comprehending a single sentence, that's not your fault, there is a reason why and that's what you need help to find out why.

    Remember the days when you walked into a room and your personality enlightens the whole room and compare this to when you aren't feeling well, it's impossible to make your presence noticed.

    Have a talk with your doctor, it certainly may benefit you.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  5. monkey_magic
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    monkey_magic avatar
    3890 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to ocean-man
    Hi ocean- man,

    I see you...and I just wanted to congratulate you on the effort you are putting in to life and the energy you are putting out there.

    Compliments don't always work the first time, neither does studying a lot of doing enough housework for someone for example. But don't give up. We all fall down, but we must get back up again.

    Feeling unappreciated is so common. So many of us feel like our efforts are in vein. If u know U did a good job then praise yourself.

    We can often live in a selfish and thankless society. Do your best anyway.

    You are a good person. You want to make an impact on people and the world and I believe your time will come. It sounds like you have a good heart that's often overlooked.

    Your efforts will get noticed by the right people.

    Honestly life gets better as you grow older- in my opinion. You might feel like this now but things will change.

    Keep being you.
  6. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2007 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to ocean-man

    HI ocean-man

    It's definitely a challenge, to say the least, when we begin becoming more sensitive to people's behaviour, various circumstances, our own emotions etc. While becoming sensitive in this slightly insane somewhat insensitive world has it's challenges (some truly deep), I've found there are also certain benefits. Some of the benefits involve being sensitive enough to be able to 'read' and make sense of people's behaviour or nature, the nature of certain circumstances and the nature of our own emotions. Emotions or feelings can be very reveling. Couple of examples

    • Imagine you have someone who degrades you on purpose. Every time you see them you feel brought down. Your self esteem plummets. This reaction could prompt you to think 'What is this feeling telling me?' The answer, 'This person is 'a downer'; I can literally feel it. They are degrading in their nature'. Next question, 'Why are they this way? Why do they never raise people?' In this case, your emotions have led you to question what, in my opinion, should be questioned. These constant feelings around this person could even lead you to say 'I just can't be around this person anymore and expect to feel happy or at peace'. Degradation is a horrible feeling, that's for sure. It's something we can really deeply feel at times and should never tolerate without question
    • You can give out all the compliments under the sun to quite a variety of people with little to no positive reaction. This can get a little soul destroying. Personally I love the feedback from people, that reaction from them that gives you some indication that you've raised them a little or a lot. When you get nothing, there can be the temptation to think 'What's wrong with me?!' Perhaps the question should be what is wrong with so many of the people around me? I'm constantly trying to make a difference that no one seems to notice. Why do they not recognise I'm trying to raise them, offering me a smile in return?' If I was to plonk you into a sensitive society where people weren't so desensitised to the folk around them, you'd be getting smiles and return compliments all the time, based on your obvious nature. By the way, you have a great and inspiring nature

    Just a couple of examples of how you can be an obviously nice, hard working and deeply thoughtful person who is challenged by the environment around you.

    I've found, when full of self doubt, it definitely pays to begin questioning the people and systems we interact with.

    :)

  7. Spl spl
    Spl spl avatar
    51 posts
    28 January 2021 in reply to ocean-man

    Hi ocean-man,

    Thank you for reaching out. It can be really difficult to find acceptance in other people. Sometimes you can work really hard but not have that work be noticed. So it can really feel like there is no incentive or reward to try.

    Especially when you are called lazy, try your best, but that best for some reason or another isn't enough for the other person and you are still called lazy anyway. It's very crushing and honestly ridiculous that laziness is a metric of someone's worth in our society anyway. Every life is important, and so much of 'laziness' is just a different problem getting in the way, such as: executive dysfunction, undiagnosed ADHD, neurodivergence, difficult family relationships, depression, anxiety, addiction, trauma... a lot can be the issue. Some people think that laziness actually doesn't exist because usually it's one of the above.

    You are doing your best. You are doing your best- believe it in yourself and repeat it to yourself. Because you are. You even reached out on here for help. What other people think is not who you are inside. Instead of people, maybe look to impact the world in a different way that shows more reliably. Such as creating art of some kind, or growing plants, or learning about a subject for fun. Something that doesn't have to be measured and tested and judged and accepted by other people. You can do things just for yourself.

    At the end of the day, what other people think about you is not under your control and can change so unpredictably. I remember spending ages worrying about my parents pressuring me academically- and then one day they randomly stopped and I still have no idea what happened lol. But I realised how it could just change at a drop of a hat, and I never had the responsibility of changing their minds in the first place: they did. I hope you can do something for you, and find impact in yourself because you enjoy or are proud of what you do yourself. Even if it's tiny, it's okay. You're the judge on how much worth you have.

    (Oh also googling 'grey thinking' may be of some help to you, wishing you all the best!)

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