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Topic: Am I in the wrong for this?

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Alikyos
    Alikyos avatar
    3 posts
    3 December 2020

    This is my first ever forum post and I'm not great at expressing situations so forgive me if it sounds like i'm being dramatic!

    So i have this online friend, lets call him Brad, who goes to one of my irl friend's schools. I've known him for about a year and recently he created an instagram groupchat with two of my school friends and I. Last night he asked a pretty random question, "Is anyone here a furry?". Now I myself am not a furry nor do I have anything against them, but I was well aware of how he felt towards them. My other two friends responded no as well and one of them asked "why?". Brad responds with "they are a mistake in our society, a plague". This is where the argument kicked off and he got a lot more violent from this point on. He continued to express why he hates them (which consisted of mostly extreme exaggerations and 'facts' that had no statistics). My friend and I provided points to try and get him to reconsider his view and stop being so aggressive, he constantly ignored them by saying 'they made no sense' (he's done this in multiple other arguments in the past as well) and sent multiple anti-furry memes (pretty harsh ones, at that) despite the subject of our conversation. His arguments were extremely violent and were making everyone uncomfortable. He admitted that his views were extremely harmful but claimed it didn't matter because it was "his opinion". I understand people are entitled to their opinion, but only when they can actually argue for it, which he definitely couldn't. The conversation quickly moved from that topic and went to the subject of accepting that not everyone has the same interests, but he quickly assumed the same closed-minded opinions that he had before.

    He acts like he's all noble because they're 'his views' and he 'stands for them'. He said he wouldn't change them, and I see this as willingly being stubborn and closed-minded. We never insulted him, but he insulted us. Brad later left the server and blocked both me and my friends.

    Despite blocking me, he went to discord this morning and sent me a whole paragraph, yet again insulting me, swearing at me, and comparing me to his ex gf and her friends. He ended up blaming the argument on me for 'finally figuring out that he was a negative person'. I responded to him, he said ok and blocked me.

    I've been thinking and now i'm wondering if i'm actually in the wrong??

     

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    5742 posts
    3 December 2020 in reply to Alikyos

    hi and welcome to beyond blue.

    I will admit that I had to go to google to lookup what a furry was/is and then found a short video on YouTube.

    And I might be wrong with my next statement but replace furry with people that (1) like attending medieval events or (2) goths or (3) insert some other sub-culture ... there is perhaps not much difference between these groups?

    With that said there can be many reasons why your friend has issues with this group. Much of it is perhaps from misunderstanding or ignorance. So to then pick one one group as a being a mistake or plague is a little disappointing. It also sounds as though did not agree with his views and were then insulted as a result - you stood your ground against what seems to be an extreme view.

    I am curious though, as a result of this online conversation how you came to thought that you might be wrong?

    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and reply.

    Tim

  3. Not_Batman
    Valued Contributor
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    Not_Batman avatar
    445 posts
    3 December 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi alikyos.

    like Tim, i did have to do some research on Furry’s.

    I understand that guilt plays a big part in how we perceive the events passed, based on what you have described, i cant see how any of this was your fault. Sometimes healthy debate can turn sour, that fact is that you took a stand against something you thought unjust.

    Not_Batman

  4. MysteryManGuy
    MysteryManGuy avatar
    7 posts
    4 December 2020 in reply to Alikyos

    Hey, Alikyos

    I don't think you were wrong imo. You clearly had your opinion and understood his. He was the one that attacked anyone who was against him. If you weren't attacking him or anything and was fine with his views than there's no reason why you would be wrong

  5. Alikyos
    Alikyos avatar
    3 posts
    7 December 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Heyy, late response sorry but I think I was just caught up in the stress of him blocking me and everything when I made this post.

    I think I was just wondering if I was wrong for still trying to provide points to him after he'd said we wouldn't change his views (I mean when he said this, he'd also leave a pretty negative comment after stating that he wouldn't be swayed). I guess I also had lingering anger from other things he'd said/done, I'd never really responded with my opinion to any of his statements in fear of conflict but I guess he doesn't like it when I do that.

    It scared me that he'd just turn his back on me if I were a furry lmao it felt wrong that call someone a freak just because of that they liked.

    On another note, I'm not sure if it would be a good idea for me to try and get back in touch with him? I'm kinda worried about him because while he may not be the best person at times, he always used to come to me when he needed someone to talk to (he has a history of depression). I just feel like if something were to happen i'd blame it on myself even if it wasn't my fault.

  6. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5742 posts
    7 December 2020 in reply to Alikyos

    You are allowed to have a point of view even if it differs from that of your friend. So good on you for sticking to your ground. I think you are also correct for saying

    it felt wrong that call someone a freak just because of that they liked.

    On whether you should try get in touch with him... no easy answer to this! He blocked you. How would you contact him?

    I also get how you might blame yourself. Remember that you cannot be responsible for everyone and what they do.

    If he did come to talk to you... how would you respond?

    My final thought is... can you separate him from his behaviour? That is. you can "like" him and not excuse his behaviour at the same time? Perhaps telling him you like him but what he said was not fair?

    Tim

  7. Alikyos
    Alikyos avatar
    3 posts
    7 December 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Thanks so much for all your input!

    I would be able to contact him through snapchat or his alt instagram account, he hasn't blocked me on absolutely everything but it would be awkward if he was still mad and responded aggressively.

    I think i'd be able to separate him and his views well enough considering I've been doing it for a while. It piles up after a while though.

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