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Topic: Being the disappointment of the family

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. tyrone.1234
    tyrone.1234 avatar
    1 posts
    23 November 2020

    Hey guys,

    I'm Tyrone (as you can see from my username), the last few days I've been feeling a hard wave of disappointment. I feel like I've embarrassed my parents for too long now, at this point I don't know what to do, since family came back from overseas - they've been a real tight arse on me, I'm no longer entitled to make my own decisions no more, no longer allowed to see friends, no longer allowed to socialise. I try my best not be so hard on myself, to show my siblings that I can continue walking on my own two feet, but I'm tired and it hurts trying to maintain a peaceful mind when the whole world has felt like it's turned against me.

    This year has taken a toll on me, I lost all my friends because someone spread rumours about me cheating on my ex girlfriend. Knowing that those things unfolded, I had people in my church confront me on stuff I didn't do; I ended up swallowing the hard pill and take the lie because I didn't want my ex to be part of all that stuff, she went through enough hearing those things from other people. A few months after all the incidents happened, I would cry myself to sleep because I couldn't stand the pain no more. I've always been one to watch out for those people, but as soon as I needed them - they all turned against me, family and friends. I kinda wish the pain and suffering would stop, I'm really tired fighting to be a better person when all these things are still on my back.

  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    12306 posts
    23 November 2020 in reply to tyrone.1234

    Tyrone

    Well done for making your first post and welcome to the forum.

    It is sad your feel your family sees you as a disappointment. I remember being the problem child. I knew my parents loved me but I wanted their approval.

    I hope there is a relative who understands you and can support you, maybe an aunt or uncle or grand parent.

    People can be cruel making up gossip but you know the truth.

    If you need someone to talk to maybe you can call

    Beyond blue support line 1300224636

  3. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    261 posts
    7 December 2020 in reply to tyrone.1234

    Hey Tyrone,

    I'm sorry that you have had to endure feeling alone because of complexities in family and friend relationships. I can see that you've been having a tough time, and I can tell that you've definitely been trying to hold it together, especially when you accepted a lie in order to ease further issues - it takes a lot to go and admit to doing something, especially if you haven't and it's just for peace of mind. Another way you can be brave is to get the weight off your chest of the false rumors which have been going on about you and explain to the people around you that you did no such thing. It seems daunting and I understand that maybe because you don't want to cause any drama (if only all teenagers thought like that) you might resist doing so, but by being honest you can honestly find the people who will stand by you and who actually have your back. That will make you feel a lot less alone not only because you know there are people in your life who have faith in you, but you can mend relationships broken by your ex's false rumors.

    In terms of what's happening for you at home, I completely understand how much of a draining effect the feeling of being controlled by your parent's decisions can have on you. Before you respond to them, think about this. Do you parents know the negative effect the are having on you? If they do, you may be uneasy about bringing it up with them. In that case I advise you to continue to seek support from online resources such as what you have done by posting here, until you feel comfortable to bring up how they are making you feel. If however they are unaware of how they are making you feel, its really important that you bring up what's going on. Say something about how you feel really restricted or that you are really bummed out about not being able to see your friends regularly and how that's making you feel.

    Hope this helps, keep us updated if need be and all the best for managing any further challenges you may face in the best way possible.

  4. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2172 posts
    8 December 2020 in reply to tyrone.1234

    Hi Tyrone

    To me, it sounds like you already are the better person, in comparison to those who are behaving in a highly questionable manner. To have the courage to take a hit, so your ex doesn't suffer speaks to your nature.

    People...hmmm, they are a problem at times. You gotta wonder about people who have no problem with putting you down and bringing you down. What is their deal? If you belong to a Christian church, you also have to wonder what Christ would be saying to those people, under the circumstances. Could it be something like 'Why do you choose to believe in lies when you have the opportunity to seek the truth? Why do so easily believe the worst when the best in a person is presented to you?' Inspiration, as opposed to degradation.

    Tyrone, this is a terrible and cruel test people are giving you. I feel it is a test for you to maintain faith in yourself. Do you think that maybe it is also a test that is requiring you to being questioning others, instead of questioning yourself? What do you feel would be some good questions to ask of others? Perhaps

    • Why do you insist on depriving me of things in life? Why are you not inspiring me?
    • Why do you insist on judging me, without having all the facts?
    • Why do you insist on not looking for the best in me?
    • Why do you not question your own behaviour, how cruel and heartless it is?

    Just a handful of possible questions.

    Tyrone, I hope you come to look back on this time in your life with the ability to say 'While I have done well in not failing to be there for others, others have failed me'. You will be able to see the full extent of your nature, your compassion, your tolerance and your courage.

    Do not let the closed minds of others keep you from seeing the best in yourself. A closed mind can bring out the worst in people.

    :)

  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15268 posts
    8 December 2020 in reply to tyrone.1234

    Hello Tyrone, we are all so pleased that you've contacted us because what you've said does relate to what many of us have had to try and deal with in one way or another and ending with a similar result.

    We all make decisions depending on the situation and the circumstances we're in, that's how we learn, by any success or by a mistake that's made, and probably more with the latter, but there's always a tactful way not to discourage the person and then lose communication and with you 'no longer entitled to make my own decisions no more, no longer allowed to see friends, no longer allowed to socialise' blocks you in a position where you can't move forward.

    There are times when we're able to have fun with each other but basically depends on the event and how times they use it, because too much can lead to being bullied which creates major problems.

    'Friends' who spread untrue rumours aren't any friend of yours and most likely be doing the same to many others, but I believe in 'karma'.

    You can talk to Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or visit you, and it's totally confidential.

    Please get back when you are able to.

    Geoff.

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