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Topic: Being unfriended and how to cope

16 posts, 0 answered
  1. AliC.
    AliC. avatar
    27 posts
    21 November 2021

    I need advice.

    Recently I had a big falling out with my ex boyfriend (who I thought I was still on somewhat good terms with) and majority of our mutual friends due to my “not being able to get over the break up” and my mental health issues which have gotten more severe recently due to a heap of other circumstances. I’m in therapy with a counsellor and waiting to see a psychiatrist to work on it more but the general gist is anxiety, depression, and possibly adhd or ptsd (under investigation)

    anyway this week I noticed that two of my friends and my ex unfriended me and blocked me on social media which I am heartbroken about as I genuinely thought that in a few months once I was in a better place we could work it all out. What do I do now? Where do I go from here?

  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    12998 posts
    21 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    AliC

    I am sorry you are struggling with mental health issues. I am pleased you are in therapy with a counsellor . Is it possible to talk to the counsellor about the defriending.

    Facebook can be a very stressful place if you have mental health issues.

    I understand how upsetting this is for you.

    There is a thread about Facebook and the pitfalls.

    you said you had a big falling out with your ex so maybe he felt he need done space.

    if Facebook upsets you is it possible to take a small break and concentrate on your therapy and general health.

    This is a suggestion and may not help you.Feel free to post back. We are listening,

  3. Mk2692
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    21 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    Hi AliC,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time. It's hard to understand why someone would block or unfriend you on social media, but quite often it might have nothing to do with you. For instance as an example, your ex might want to do that to move on as he doesn't see you both getting back together and you being present on social media reminds him of your previous relationship together. In terms of your friends, I'm not sure if there was a problem between you and them or if it was just because you don't talk anymore, it's hard to say what their reason might be. However, in any circumstance, when someone acts a specific way, our mind wonders and we keep thinking what did I do wrong and how can i fix it? In reality, the best thing to do is to move on, as you can't force anyone to stay in your life. You can think of so many reasons why people leave but at the end it doesn't matter, only the people that are meant to be a part of your life will stay. I know it's hard to accept but it's best to let people go and focus on yourself. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time mentally, so it's best to focus on you. Build yourself up, surround yourself with people that love you and work on you. When you are in a better place in your life, better people will come along and they will make you forget about the ones that left. Hope this helps.

  4. missep123
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    21 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    Hi AliC,

    I am so sorry that you have been going through this. I know that it can be very painful when you realise/notice a friend has unfriended and/or blocked you. This happened to me once with someone who I thought was a very close friend of mine but unfortunately she admitted she was getting too jealous of me being close to others and wanted to 'punish' me by unfriending me. It was very painful at the time, I definitely cried. I know it's easier said than done but time truly healed me and made me realise that if someone I considered a friend unfriended me like that, were they really a true friend to me? I then really focused on what I valued in friendships and only wanted to surround myself in those that I could truly trust.

    I know it can be very painful but we are here for you, please reach out whenever you'd like

  5. jaz28
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    22 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    Hi AliC,

    I know this hurts, and social media makes matters even worse. I am sorry.

    I have been through a similar. When my ex (now my boyfriend again, lol) and I broke up, I found I benefitted from no contact, which meant I didn't unfriend him or anything but I hid all photos of us and didn't talk to him, and asked him not to contact me even though he wanted to stay friends (the first sign he didn't really want it to be over). This helped me to grieve, even though it hurt LIKE HELL not speaking to him, I knew it was better off to move on if we didn't talk. This could be your exes way of moving on. I know it hurts SO BAD, but maybe it is time to respect his choice and take this as a blessing in disguise to help yourself move on as well. I know no contact helped my boyfriend and I realise we actually wanted to be together, but unfortunately, sometimes it can help people to realise the opposite.

    Unfriending is rough, and it has happened to me, but I realised I was better off without the person. It is just social media after all, and if they are that petty that shows more about them. I know taking a break from social media has helped ground me in the past.

    Focus on yourself, go to therapy, do fun things with family and friends you can trust and most importantly - grieve but know it will get better :)

    Love,

    Jaz.

  6. Petal22
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    22 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    Hi AliC,

    Im really sorry how this has made you feel.

    But this is a reflection of them and not you.

    I know this would be hurtful but they just aren’t your people……… your people will want the best for you and will clap the loudest when you have good news.

    Keep moving forward with your life “your people “ are out there and you will find them.

    Keep up your great work in your therapy…….. things will get better for you… focus on all of the positive things in your life and give yourself self LOVE..

  7. AliC.
    AliC. avatar
    27 posts
    26 November 2021 in reply to Petal22
    Thank you I really needed to hear that.
    2 people found this helpful
  8. AliC.
    AliC. avatar
    27 posts
    27 November 2021
    So I’m not even sad or upset by it anymore but I get this icky awful feeling where if I see something related to said ex friends or ex boyfriend then I turn into a horrible depressed mess. I feel awful and at the moment I feel bored and unsatisfactory all the time no matter what. I’m already medicated and seeing my therapist regularly but the weather has made me feel awful lately and it coincides with my depressive cycle and so I hate it I truly do. I don’t know what to do socially anymore without seeming desperate
  9. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    6126 posts
    27 November 2021 in reply to AliC.
    Dear AliC,
    We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can get overwhelming. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

    We think that it is really important that you talk to someone about these thoughts and feelings, so please give the Beyond Blue helpline a ring directly on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:  It can be really tough to make the step to make a call but the people who answer the phone are kind and helpful. They speak to people about this everyday and can offer useful advice. You don't have to go through this alone.

    Hopefully we'll hear from the community at some point. In the meantime, we hope you're able to be kind to yourself, and to feel some pride in the bravery it took to post here today. 

    Kind regards,

    Sophie M
     
     
  10. Petal22
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    27 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    Hi AliC ,

    Im sorry you are feeling this way, I understand.

    I understand when we see or hear certain things they can bring up those icky emotions that are related to them within our self.

    When those emotions arise just allow them to be there, allow yourself to feel them…… ( maybe while feeling them you can choose to forgive yourself and others for what happened when you are ready ….by doing this you create a space inside you, so you can let go of the situation if you want to…(I know this can be hard sometimes) ….. but it’s part of healing…… forgiveness will set you free and letting go will help you to grow…..

    When you forgive others for your self internally you are doing this for yourself not for the people you feel wronged you……. It’s a way of letting go of the negative energy inside you around this situation and by doing this it creates free flowing energy…

    I do understand the weather doesn’t help us sometimes…..

    I read a lot of positive affirmations every day it has really helped me to set a positive mindset within myself…… my social media is full of positive affirmations…… maybe you could try reading some?

    What type of things do you enjoy doing socially?

    1 person found this helpful
  11. AliC.
    AliC. avatar
    27 posts
    27 November 2021 in reply to Petal22
    Literally anything and everything socially. I play games, hang with friends etc
  12. Petal22
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    1537 posts
    27 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    That’s nice…..

    Have you ever tried meditation? I try to meditate every day it really helps me to relax my mind…….

    I hope your day has been a good day.

  13. missep123
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    28 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    Hi AliC,

    I completely hear you. It can be so difficult when you see things about your ex friends or ex boyfriend because it almost pushes an automatic 'ick' feeling button in you. I definitely felt that when I was going through a tough time regarding an ex friend. It is incredibly painful but I let myself feel the emotions and then tried to let them pass naturally like clouds in the sky. In the beginning I find that my mind is processing the pain and what happened so it's more at the forefront of my mind. Through time I found that I slowly came to terms with things. Sometimes I feel triggered or upset by something I see but it becomes less frequent and the feelings are less strong. It is very tricky though, I completely hear that.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. AliC.
    AliC. avatar
    27 posts
    29 November 2021 in reply to Petal22
    Apologies I didn’t reply fully earlier I accidentally sent the reply without finishing it haha. Thank you for your advice and I’ll definitely try meditation but I find it difficult to be still and with my thoughts
  15. AliC.
    AliC. avatar
    27 posts
    29 November 2021 in reply to missep123
    Absolutely thank you for kind words. I spoke with an emergency counsellor who helped me come to terms that I’m grieving 3 seperate things at the moment - one after the other that has made it hard to move through each individual relationship. I’m going to try and work on that a bit
    1 person found this helpful
  16. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    30 November 2021 in reply to AliC.

    Hi AliC,

    Thats ok 😊

    I understand, the great thing about meditation is that we can learn that we aren’t our thoughts but the watcher of our thoughts.. it takes practice

    You can deliberately start to renew your mind ….feed your mind with positive things about yourself…… and keep building…….. our inner thoughts create how we perceive the world so make your thoughts wonderful.

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