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Topic: confused about a relationship

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. sport123
    sport123 avatar
    5 posts
    3 February 2020

    Hi everyone,

    Recently I have just started talking to this guy and I have told him that I don't want a relationship yet because I wanna get everything sorted and work on myself before starting anything serious, and he's fine with that. recently he got drunk and started saying "you're not even that attractive" and told me that his friends don't think I'm good enough for him and he knows that hurt my feelings and we have spoken about it and have semi sorted it out (i'm still hurt but there isn't anything else for us to talk about).

    Now a week or so has passed and he wants to catch up with me and 1. my parents don't know that we are talking and I don't know how to bring that up, so if anyone has any advice on that, it would be greatly appreciated, and 2. I don't really know how I feel anymore and if I wanna catch up with him alone I kind of want to see him when i'm with some friends so that I have some support because they all know about what has happened and have told me to get out touch with him because he doesn't seem to be good for me and all that so i'm really confused as to what to do. This kind of stuff has happened to me before and I have never been good and sticking up for myself if it means it can potentially hurt his feelings.

    So if anyone has any sort of advice as to what I should do and how to potentially tell my parents that would be great!

    Thank you in advance!

  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2046 posts
    3 February 2020 in reply to sport123

    Good Morning sport123

    I am so glad that you have reached out to get some advice here and some support, it is a hard time to manage these sorts of things but I think we have something called "gut instinct", and I believe very strongly in it.

    Whether he has said these things out of being drunk or not, the words have been spoken and if it has left you feeling bad and like there is not much interest in maintaining the relationship I think you should listen to your gut, it is rarely wrong. I have another saying too "if it feels wrong it usually is"...anyway...the fact you are feeling uncomfortable and you are wanting some support from your friends and not really want to spend time with him alone speaks volumes and I hope you can sit with this and really think if you want to continue this friendship.

    I understand that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but what about your feelings? There is not an ounce of good if you are feeling bad and uncomfortable just so his feelings are not hurt. You don't have to be rude or mean, you can say " I am sorry I am just not up for a catch up at the moment but maybe another time"...if you really feel like you don't want anything more to do with him, once again you don't have to rude or mean but you do have to be honest. You could say that what he said to you has made you feel uncomfortable and that you don't feel like you want to catch up. There is nothing wrong with that.

    If you are going to catch up with him I think that being honest with your parents is the best bet, you can say that you are currently unsure how you are feeling and that you are going to catch up with him to see if you have a friendship there or if you are infact going to part ways. Honesty is always best and they will appreciate the trust and the conversation with you and that you are being honest.

    I hope that this has been helpful to you sport123 and I hope to chat to you some more.

    Take care of you and put your feelings first, you matter and your self respect deserves it.

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  3. sport123
    sport123 avatar
    5 posts
    3 February 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hey Sarah,

    thank you so much for your advice and I have come to realise that I completely agree with you and there is some red flags going up in regards to this relationship I think that the only thing that is keeping my undecided is that he is actually usually really nice so it was weird hearing the things from him because it was very out of the blue. but recently I have felt us drifting a bit but I think the best bet for me is to catch up with him and see how I feel when I'm around him wether I just feel like we should be friends or potentially something more.

    Thank you again your words and advice meant a lot to me and hope you have a great day!

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2046 posts
    3 February 2020 in reply to sport123

    You are so very welcome sport123

    I am so glad you have some clarity and you can see how you want this to play out and have a plan.

    Well done to you and every best wish for either a good friendship with him, something more or infact parting ways...but do what makes your heart happy and feels right.

    Here to chat anytime.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

    1 person found this helpful

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