Feeling alone and worthless is an absolutely awful way to feel, and I'm so sorry you are going through this at the moment.
I guess you have a few things that have piled up on top of you:
- having your partner move away for a new job;
- which lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation;
- deciding to break off the relationship and moving back to your parents;
- your ex partner's diagnosis and him pushing you away.
What is great to hear is that beacon light yhat shines through when you say that you know you will get through this and be ok. But right now, you're not, and that's ok too.
It must be really hard to feel as if your ex partner is pushing you away right now, after having spoken of getting back together. It may just be that he is coming to terms with his diagnosis and doesn't have the mental space to deal with much else.
I know you want to he there to support him, but you may need to try to do this from more of a distance than you would like, even just for now.
Once he adjusts to this health shock, he may lean on you once again. So maybe just be there for him, but gently, in the background? Send messages here and there and let him know you're there to support him if and when he is ready?
In the meantime, it's important you take care of yourself.
It is terrific that you have reached out here for support with us who understand what it feels like down there at rock bottom. We will listen and support you, and it's a wonderful first step for looking after you.
You have your study, which keeps you busy. I know you said you don't have a big social network, but you have your supportive parents, which is a great thing.
What things do you like doing, things that bring back a sense of yourself, or a sense of wellness or peace? For instance, my happy place is vegetable patch. Give me 5 minutes there and i can usually feel some good vibes re-entering my aura. What are some things you can think of that can nurture you during this difficult and painful time?
We are listening and care for you.