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Topic: everything is beginning to build up and im struggling

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. srance
    srance avatar
    7 posts
    13 October 2021

    Hi, i'm a new member and i just wanted to get some advice about my current situation!

    im a very active person, and i constantly strive to get fitter and stronger but the last two years have been really hard, ive dived in and out of binge eating and bulimia and in a way i think its because when i get fitter and stronger my figure isnt as skinny as nice as models, and all my family members constantly make comments about my weight and my figure and keeping myself slimmer, or as a girl i shouldn't be aiming to to so sporty, i'm not going to become a professional athlete anyway.

    Of course im not going to become an athlete but i don't see any reason i shouldnt be able to play sport. ive been forced to quit sports that i love so dearly because it gives me broad shoulders, or big legs and ive been told to go on long runs which i hate just to lose weight because my parents think my muscle is fat.

    my mum is incredibly strict on her own diet, constantly weighing herself and showing off her weight, and even my dad says he wont accept it if im not a certain weight. this was a while ago but it still hurts so much.

    ive recently had both a meniscus and ACL injury from football and my surgery was in late August. that means a full year before i am allowed to play any kind of contact sports and its been about 48 days and ive only just started to be able to squat again.

    When i first heard about my injury i was so, so, so devastated. i was about to start my rowing season and i was ready to get fitter and fitter. being unable to do sport but still being hungry all the time while doing nothing is so hard. i cannot lose weight or get fitter being unable to do anything. my mum says shes glad i wasn't able to row becuase it would give me broad shoulders.

    i don't understand why its up to her what my body should look like. but at the same time while i love getting fitter and stronger, i don't like how my body looks and i still need to reduce my body fat %.

    my family members keep giving me backhanded compliments, saying oh your legs look SO NICE now, because i haven't been able to work out and theyve slimmed down to a more feminine shape and it makes me feel so bad when they comment on it literally everyday.

    i feel like im not understood and i really wish i was

  2. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1118 posts
    13 October 2021 in reply to srance

    Hi srance,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Im so sorry that your family treat you this way, it doesn’t matter what your weight is or how you look what matters is who you are inside and that you are healthy including your mental health.

    No one else gets to dictate to you what you should look like or what you should weigh….

    Im sorry that you have had to quit some sports because of what your family says it does to your body….. as long as you enjoy the sport that’s all that matters…….

    Im sorry to hear of your injuries that must be difficult for you…

    Please feed your mind with positive thoughts about yourself, be kind to yourself…..

    We are so blessed that we have beautiful able bodies that can do great things for us…. Some people aren’t so lucky in life……

    Have you been able to talk to your family about the way their comments make you feel?

  3. srance
    srance avatar
    7 posts
    13 October 2021 in reply to Petal22

    hi petal22,

    i have tried talking to my parents about how their remarks hurt and how i everyone might have their own weights that they are comfortable at, not a set weight that everyone should be at, but they don't seem to understand, expecially when my mum is lighter than me.

    i think having my mum being so skinny makes it harder because i'm compared to her, and she's considered as the normal when in fact she's definitely underweight.

    as you said, we should be grateful for our bodies and i think that's why its taken me so long to open up about my situation, because everytime i go talk to someone about it i think, so many other people are struggling and my problems are so insignificant compared to thiers. i just think: why should i be complaining when everyone else is dealing with their own problems fine?

  4. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1118 posts
    13 October 2021 in reply to srance

    Hi Scrance,

    Im sorry that your parents don’t understand, you are you and you shouldn’t be compared to anyone else.

    Please know your problems are significant and you should talk about them, we are here to support you.

    Please don’t see yourself as complaining it’s important that you talk about these things…. I think it’s great that you have reached out to us.

    Have you seeked professional help before for your bulimia and binge eating?

    You may think other people are dealing with their problems fine but this may not be the case.

  5. srance
    srance avatar
    7 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal22,

    thank you so much for your reply,

    i have wanted to seek help for a while but i feel ashamed and i always feel like ive gotten it over it on my own and then i never go to see someone because i think its fine but i think it still comes back sometimes because i still get triggered.

    i also havent really gone to seek help because i know my parents would not believe in eating disorders and i dont know how to educate them in a way that they will believe me so i also have not sought help because i don't want my parents involved and in a way i'm embarrased of it and don't want them to know.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5663 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to srance
    Hi srance,

    This is such a brave and powerful post, thank you for sharing it here. We hope the kind words and understanding of lovely community members like Petal are a help and a comfort to you.
    We can understand how hard it must be to open up about the binge eating and bulimia when you don’t feel like your family are understanding about this.

    We’d really recommend speaking to the Butterfly Foundation about this, as they might have some advice around how you can get some support while navigating the issues with your family. Their counsellors are absolutely lovely, and you can reach them on 1800 33 4673, or  chat online or via email (helpline and online chat run 8am – midnight AEDT, 7 days a week). You could also reach out to a school counsellor or GP, and there’s a bit of advice for having a conversation with a health professional here.

    You could also reach out to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636, or reach out via webchat here.

    Thanks again, and well done for sharing here. This is a judgment-free space, so please feel free to share, knowing that you'll be met with understanding. We're sorry to hear how things have been, and we want you to know that we're here for you. 

    Kind regards,

    Sophie M
  7. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1118 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to srance

    Hi stance,

    Thank you for being so open with us you are very brave.

    I understand that you have wanted to seek help I think that’s great because it’s a step closer to your recovery.

    Please don’t be embarrassed by your binge eating and bulimia it’s something that can be treated.

    Sophie has given you some great contacts for the Butterfly Foundation and the Beyond Blue help line, how would you feel about contacting these places for support?

    We are here to chat to you anytime on these forums please keep reaching out to us on this thread…

  8. srance
    srance avatar
    7 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie,

    Thank you so much for the contacts and creating a safe space for me to post i really appreciate it and your kind words, i will try and get in contact with someone that you have suggested.

  9. srance
    srance avatar
    7 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal22,

    i really appreciate you taking time out of your life to reply to my post with such understanding words, i think i will try and reach out to the butterfly foundation as well as perhaps a school counsellor first as i still don't think i'm ready to speak to my parents about it and hopefully they can give me some tips to help at home.

    thank you so much again <3

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1118 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to srance

    Hi srance,

    That’s ok 😊 I’m happy to support you.

    That sounds great your decision to speak to the butterfly foundation and maybe a school councillor.

    Please reach out to us anytime on this thread.

  11. .Hotdogwater.
    .Hotdogwater. avatar
    3 posts
    16 October 2021 in reply to srance
    Hi Scrance,
    I know what you're going through, I'm quite a muscular women and it can be very hard because of the pressure to fit into the slim model catagory. It's important to just be who you are and not be embarrased. Don't start piling the pressure of dieting or body image onto yourself. It's much more important to be fit, healthy, strong and capable then to fit into the slim model catagory.

    It's very important to stay fit and healthy. It sounds like you really love sport, so it doesn't matter if you aren't going to be a profesional athlete, you seem very passionate about sport, it seems like something you really care about and enjoy, so keep it up! Don't listen to your parents. It's important to build sport into your life.

    I had a injury a year ago and it stopped me playing basketball for 3 months, I was also pretty devastated. During that time I tried to pick up new hobbies to replace sport. I decided to pick up chess and video games to occupy myself as I was getting better. It sounds like you really enjoy sport, so maybe try a sport that you can do with your injury as your recovering or try out some new hobbies. Chess is now a permenate hobby I love and am very passionate about.
    I'm so very sorry about the comments made by your parents, it must be so hard, if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here for you.
    Best wishes, Hotdogwater
  12. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15076 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to srance

    Hello Srance, and a warm welcome to the site.

    You need to remember that everyone that posts a comment on this site has their own problem, to them, it's very important and so it should be, but you can't compare your condition to another person's condition, because to you, and that's the point, it involves you and this thread is yours.

    What you said that you don't think you should talk to your parents is a good idea because being compared to your mother is not viable, you have to concentrate on yourself and as well as Butterfly, you can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, web chat or online who can adapt to all situations.

    Sometimes we feel as though we have overcome a problem, but there may be other trigger points we had not expected to suddenly appear, so you need to be aware if this does happen.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  13. srance
    srance avatar
    7 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to .Hotdogwater.

    Hi Hotdogwater,

    thank you so much for your reply!

    thank you for understanding that sport means a lot to me and suggesting i pick out a new hobby, i will definitely try that.

    i think when gyms open and i can start my progress into recovery and getting stronger again it'll just make everything much better and it will also be easier to tell myself that although i'm not looking quite as slim as others, at least i'm progressing in the gym and getting fitter.

    although i think other muscular women have such gorgeous bodies its just a bit different when i see my own and especially because my parents constantly comment on it.

    thank you again

  14. srance
    srance avatar
    7 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff,

    i think it has helped me to understand that even if it isnt as a big a problem compared to others it is still the most important in my life right now and so i should pay attention to it

    i understand there are definitely many trigger points im not aware of which has caused me to relapse etc and so i definitely am planning to try and reach out to butterfly or some helpline.

    thank you for your reply!

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