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Topic: I'm feeling horribly isolated because of who and where I am.

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. VaultySheSalty
    VaultySheSalty avatar
    1 posts
    14 August 2020

    Hey all. I'm sorry if this post isn't great or formatted correctly or something like that. I've never been very good at forums. After proofreading I've noticed it's a poorly paragraphed and inconsistent ramble and stream of thoughts more than anything but I haven't slept and I'm too lazy to correct things and gather my thoughts. I don't even know what I want out of this post.

    I'm a 17 year old bi transgender girlĀ and I've had low functioning depression and anxiety for roughly half of my life. I feel so isolated and trapped in my town. The closest transgender support group to me has not only disbanded, but they were transmasculine exclusively. All of my friends are cisgendered and straight, and while I trust them and love them so much, I can't properly tell them how my situation is making me feel, despite me being out to all of them and them all being supportive. They also all live more than two hours away from me, since my mum and I have had to move constantly because of landlords selling houses. I've tried to find other gender-diverse Australians, and when I do, they're all in other states (QLD and VIC are the main two I've noticed) or the ones who are in NSW are all from Sydney or much older than me, moreso than what I'm comfortable with, or both.

    I missed my last psychiatrist appointment because I slept through it and couldn't get out of bed. Now we don't have enough money for me to have another one. I didn't really have a "teenagehood". Despite being friends with most of my schoolmates when I was in school, I felt like I wasn't much more than a classtime joke-slinger. None of my school friends invited me to the nights out they had, and when I made plans outside of school, everyone ghosted me or cancelled at the last second (except for one of my best friends). And while I know that high-school relationships are mostly superficial and almost never go anywhere - I hate that I never had one because of who I am.

    idk what exactly I want out of this post - maybe to know that someone like me exists near me? For just once in my life I want someone to hold me and actually care for me.

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5893 posts
    14 August 2020 in reply to VaultySheSalty
    Welcome to the forums, VaultySheSalty, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here. It sounds like you are going through a challenging time. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through these thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. We're sure that our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness.

    Keep checking in to let us know how you’re going, whenever you feel up to it.
     
  3. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    14 August 2020 in reply to VaultySheSalty

    Hi VaultySheSalty

    Firstly I just wanted to say that we don't really mind at all about your paragraphs, about your formatting and even about the fact you see it as a in consistent ramble and a stream of thoughts, you know what, we are just so happy you are here, talking and sharing how you are feeling and that you have reached out to get some support. So welcome....thoughts and rambles are welcome here, without judgement or criticism.

    I want to let you know I am an old 45 year old mother, who has only just learnt what cisgender even means...so can I relate ..nope...but do I care..ABSOLUTELY. You will actually find a few threads here, and I might just go and search for them to put the links here so you can read that there are other people JUST LIKE YOU, and they too are feeling JUST LIKE YOU..so does that make it right or better, no but it lets you know you are not alone, that you are not on an island and that there is support and people who care.

    This thread is a really very interesting so I will pop it here:

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/sexuality-and-gender-identity/i-don-t-know-who-i-am

    Also have a look through the Sexuality and Gender section here, I am sure you have done so already but just wanted to call that out in the event you have not, there are some really great stories and learnings and ways in which people cope and maintain happy lives with the struggles they face from family, from friends and from society.

    You are right about school, it is a pretty messed up time with kids essentially just trying so hard to fit in , know who they are and just get through each day while presenting as "normal". We expect so much from our young people today and it is just not fair and not right. Once you can move out of this school space and find your "tribe" you will start to see a whole new world. I am so very glad that you do have a best friend, that is great to hear and that you feel supported by them.

    Moving around alot is hard to and I have experienced that too, just when you get settled it is time to pack up and move again, no chance to meet people, to get some good friends or the ones you do connect with you have to leave. You are always the new person.. it is really hard. But I am sure it is tough on your mum too. I hope that she is ok and that she is doing well.

    Hope to chat some more to you VaultySheSalty.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

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