Firstly I just wanted to say that we don't really mind at all about your paragraphs, about your formatting and even about the fact you see it as a in consistent ramble and a stream of thoughts, you know what, we are just so happy you are here, talking and sharing how you are feeling and that you have reached out to get some support. So welcome....thoughts and rambles are welcome here, without judgement or criticism.
I want to let you know I am an old 45 year old mother, who has only just learnt what cisgender even means...so can I relate ..nope...but do I care..ABSOLUTELY. You will actually find a few threads here, and I might just go and search for them to put the links here so you can read that there are other people JUST LIKE YOU, and they too are feeling JUST LIKE YOU..so does that make it right or better, no but it lets you know you are not alone, that you are not on an island and that there is support and people who care.
This thread is a really very interesting so I will pop it here:
Also have a look through the Sexuality and Gender section here, I am sure you have done so already but just wanted to call that out in the event you have not, there are some really great stories and learnings and ways in which people cope and maintain happy lives with the struggles they face from family, from friends and from society.
You are right about school, it is a pretty messed up time with kids essentially just trying so hard to fit in , know who they are and just get through each day while presenting as "normal". We expect so much from our young people today and it is just not fair and not right. Once you can move out of this school space and find your "tribe" you will start to see a whole new world. I am so very glad that you do have a best friend, that is great to hear and that you feel supported by them.
Moving around alot is hard to and I have experienced that too, just when you get settled it is time to pack up and move again, no chance to meet people, to get some good friends or the ones you do connect with you have to leave. You are always the new person.. it is really hard. But I am sure it is tough on your mum too. I hope that she is ok and that she is doing well.
Hope to chat some more to you VaultySheSalty.
Hugs to you