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Topic: I dont know who i am anymore

  1. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    13 September 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    These groups dont work already tried them no point trying something that you know wont work.

    Jobs wont get me any happiness no one would want to talk to me bacuse i am always either ignored or i am jealous of that person, jist like i am with the russian guy i am going to get rid of him in a minute because i know he doesnt like me his only being nice to me and if i talk to him i like him more and more and then he will hate me more and more. I cant even have a friends online. Maybe he doesn't even like me as a friend, his just nice to everyone i am not any different i am just a piece of junk he is going to get rid of. Thats why he has to stop talking to me before he hates me. I want him as a friend but he doesnt want me

  2. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    23 September 2020
    I am to fat now just on top of all the other problems. Now no one would even want to look at me i have no appeal to me at all. I have lost the only thing, its already bad enough having no friends
  3. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    24 September 2020
    Everyone hates me cant even do simple things. No wonder people leave me, am i just that useless
  4. Tay100
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    25 September 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    I'm sorry you were feeling in a tough headspace yesterday- how are things today? Please know you aren't useless. People care, including those in this thread and the wider forum community- people find meaningful online friendships here- we could help you with this, if you like. We are a caring, safe space, and we are here to listen and help you find the best way to address your concerns. Have you found something that has worked for you so far since your first post? Even something small that helps you manage things day-to-day?

    Tay100

  5. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    7225 posts
    25 September 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hello Unicorndogge,

    Im sorry I’ve not been around for you lately...Like you I struggle with my mental health and sometimes go down that I am unable to post because I don’t know the right words to say to help support you...

    I am sorry you feel the need to push away your penpal...the way I see it..he likes you for who you are and enjoys talking to you..if he didn’t like you..he would have stopped talking to you a long time ago....He sounds like a nice caring person...Please try hard to accept his care for you because you really do deserve it...and he enjoys talking to you as well...

    Sending you my care and kind thoughts..dear lovely Unicorn....

    Grandy..

  6. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    15 October 2020
    Well everything was going good for few weeks. I made a new friend his name is josh we have been hanging out heaps but he is moving to queensland as soon as the borders open. I dont want him to abandon me then I will be alone again, I can’t be alone again. I still talk to my Russian penpal but it is so nice having a friend in person then his going to go just when things were getting better. We almost had sex the other day, maybe that’s why he isn’t talking as much because I don’t have any experience with this. I am so confused? And I can’t deal with this what is the point of me whenever things get better they end up getting worse and worse each time.
  7. Tay100
    Community Champion
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    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    18 October 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend possibly leaving for QLD once the borders open- maybe you can gain a new penpal along with your friend from Russia? If his being distant after you almost slept together bothers you, try to engage in some positive distractions perhaps, possibly involving (safe) face to face contact with others. This may help with the low mood you are feeling right now in general. For example, things are going up and then down for you- what can you do to take care of yourself in these moments? Even something super small such as recognising a bad feeling of hopelessness approaching, and then phoning a friend and reaching out to them. What might this look for you?

    Tay100

  8. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    18 October 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Hey tay

    Well its to late i lost my virginity with him yesterday, if my nan finds out she will be so angry with me even though she likes him. I think his a nice guy, his my only friend really so i dont want to lose my only friend that i can hang out with, even though i have my russian friend its just not the same as hanging out with someone. So really he is all i have got it will break me to lose him and doing what i did yesterday was implusive but i kind of dont regret it.

  9. Tay100
    Community Champion
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    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    Thanks for updating us. It seems this guy is important to you- I can see why you went all the way with him- and just because sleeping with him was impulsive, doesn't mean you have to regret it. Wanting to spend time with some in real life is a precious thing- is there anyone else you can connect with when he moves? You could even link with your local council to find events or meet people online and then cultivate relationships with them in real life at a local event if you felt comfortable with that. You can of course keep in contact with the guy after he moves to QLD- you can still be connected with him whilst you search for people to hang with in person.

    Tay100

  10. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Hey tay

    His saying we should distance ourselves now because he thinks i like him more then a friend and because his going away he doesnt want that. I dont understand maybe he doesnt like me at all and is jist playing with my feelings. Maybe he just wanted sex or maybe its because he knows i am not a good friend. No wonder i dont have any friends. Maybe i am asking to much but why give me all this love when you dont even like me?

    He is moving on a island and he said he wont have much internet so we can barely talk, what was the point of becoming his friend when it just leads to more pain in the end. This always seems to happen to me, everyone leaves at some point and i think why do i even bother maybe i am meant to be ALONE FOREVER. Why did i let him suck me into this friendship? Why me, why do i deserve this? What have i done wrong?

  11. Tay100
    Community Champion
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    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    23 October 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    These are some tough and big questions- we all face relationship and friendship challenges like this- you aren't alone in having these sorts of things to deal with. You are not to blame, you haven't done anything wrong. Continuing to voice it in safe spaces like this one would be a good thing- have you considered reaching out for more help? It could be a good thing to have in place before this guy moves to QLD. That way, you can still communicate and keep up a friendship with him (as much as the internet allows), if that's something you want to pursue still, and you can work through any feelings you have in a safe, productive way in the meantime. This includes any feelings of being let down, loneliness and "friendship" grief you may feel as a result of you two getting close and then him leaving, which abruptly changes the friendship- again, at no fault of your own. Sophie_M has left some great resources for you to scroll through- let us know what you think of them.

    Tay100

  12. M00tis
    M00tis avatar
    2 posts
    23 October 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge
    Hello Unicorn,

    Never say that no one cares about your, as that is NOT true! It may seem like it at first but it is not like that! I care about you, and your well being! I care about you even though I don't personally know you!

    Harming yourself, disowning your self is not the right way! Take some time, little things like listening to music when you sleep and study helps me stay calm with anything! Take a few moments to just stop. Think. Do.

    Have a great day and I hope to hear back from you!

    -Max
  13. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    1407 posts
    23 October 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    I imagine your Russian pen pal is a naturally thoughtful and sensitive person who sees the best in you. Naturally thoughtful sensitive people will always see the best in us, even if we can't see it our self. Insensitive people typically don't have this incredible ability. You notice how everyone who's responded to you here is naturally thoughtful and sensitive.

    The title of your thread 'I don't know who I am anymore' leads me to imagine you to also (like the rest of us) be someone who is very natural (yet feeling deeply challenged at the moment), very thoughtful in the way you question yourself and others and very sensitive in the way you feel so much. While I've discovered many up sides to being sensitive, there are some challenges, for sure. For example, sensitive people typically have an open mind. They're typically not closed minded like arrogant people are. While an open mind can allow for inspiration to freely enter, this open mind can also easily let in the stuff we wish would not enter, such as self doubt caused by others, harsh judgement, hopelessness etc. Being surrounded by people who lead us to hope less or give us no hope at all can really impact a sensitive open minded person.

    Unicorndogge, it's taken me many years to realise the impact others have had on my sensitivity and open minded nature. It may sound strange but I have rediscovered my super natural ability to wonder. We began life with wonder. We typically began life with a lot of our natural abilities being practiced. I wonder if you have ever tried wondering out loud at people. What I mean by this is...You can think 'I wonder what my pen pal sees in me'. Now, you can keep this wondering to yourself or you can say to him 'I wonder what you see in me'. You might be pleasantly surprised by what he says. He might say 'You're not as artificial as most people' or 'You lead me to feel comfortable, like I don't have to pretend to be someone else when I write to you or talk to you'. Often we'll be attracted to people who naturally bring out the best in us. Such people raise our spirits, raise our consciousness and raise our self esteem. Basically, they raise us.

    Unicorndogge, I believe you to be a very sensitive, natural, thoughtful person who is looking to find the best in them self. From my experience, finding the best in our self is a journey taken with greater ease when those who are lighting the way easily see our beauty, our strengths and our potential.

    :)

  14. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    29 October 2020

    Hey everyone thankyou for replying

    I just want say everything was getting better until today i feel funny and i am scared i am pregnant. My anxiety is coming back now, its like i am destined for things to go bad. I know there is a low chance i will be pregnant but still if i am i am not ready at all. I am just starting to learn how to drive and i havent even got a job but i am getting one, things cant be ruined now. I think i am overthinking it like, i used protection but there is still a slight change also this cant happen his my friend who is moving away to queensland. Never mind this rant i will see how things go tommorow at the doctors.

  15. Tay100
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    It's good to hear you are learning to drive and getting a job- it's understandable that an unexpected pregnancy would shake things up for you. Seeing the doctor is a good idea- then you can work out how to move forward after getting some solid answers. Keep us updated if you like.

    Tay100

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    99 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Hey tay

    I went to the doctors today and they took a urine and pregnancy test i was negetive for both. Then she felt my stomach and based of what i said she thinks its a bowel thing. But i took this medince and i just feel worse. She wadnt 100% certain either and i rarely get sick, i am scared i dont know whats wrong if it doesnt work by tommorow then i dont know what i am going to do. Well my nan knows everything now she isnt mad just shocked that i would do something like that, i guess i was too when this happened.

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