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by LozzyLou85
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Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers)

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Grief and loss

Support following the bereavement of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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by Positive_vibes89
11 hours ago

Topic: I dont know who i am anymore

  1. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    9 December 2020

    Hi everyone

    I am really not looking foward to christmas because everyone is coming up and then they are all going to ask what i have done this year, plus all the presents i have to buy. My nan expects very much from me and i just cant stand this. I have bought everyone something but maybe its not enough. Usually i love chirstmas but this year i am scared about it.

  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2177 posts
    9 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    Personally, I'm a shocker when it comes to small talk and I know a few others who feel the same way. You know when someone says 'How are you? What have you been up to?' and you typically respond with 'Yeah, I'm good' and 'Nothing much' and then the conversation hits and awkward pause. Wouldn't it be great if we could have deeper conversations and everyone just thrived on them, something like 'What have you been up to?' and our response is 'Well, I've spent the year looking for the best in myself'. Wouldn't that be a conversation starter?! We could all trade ideas about how to find the best in our self.

    I think it pays to have a bit of a sense of humour and charm at times. Someone asks 'What have you been up to?' and the response is 'Well, I've been looking forward to seeing you. That's what I've been up to'.

    In my opinion, small simple gifts are an undeniably kind gesture. Anyone who doesn't see it that way has issues, so don't go beating yourself up too much. It's a them problem.

    Do you think you can compromise on things with your nan? Leading her to understand that some of the challenges she presents you with are difficult for you to manage, might get her to thinking of reasonable solutions and management strategies. Having people relate to how we feel can help reshape the relationship we have with them. If motivation is a bit of an issue, you might mention 'Nan, I just can't find the energy to do certain things. It's like my brain won't let me be motivated or excited about things'.

    It is tough when we're trying to find the best in our self, it really can be a huge challenge. There will be moments when our best surprises us and moments where we just can't find it and need others to help us find our way toward seeing our best. Again, it's tough.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  3. ravish rodent
    ravish rodent avatar
    4 posts
    10 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    man, man, man. I again am reading this in pdhpe class because this is the only time I go on this website but I am reading your story and wow. Never has anything like this happened to me and I can't begin to even relate to it or imagine how it feels. But, you need some confidence miss girl. It's fine that you achieved nothing, hell I haven't either this year. We've been through a pandemic and everyone goes through life at different paces. We all achieve things at our own time, not someone else's. Try not to compare yourself to how others have achieved stuff at this time, because not everyone does. Again, I haven't. I don't have a job, nor can I drive. And with your friends, try focus on the future. Next time you meet a friend, don't think about past friendships, don't freak yourself out with "omg it's going to end the same". You control how it ends. This is your story. Love you.

    -ravish rodent signing out

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to therising

    Hey therising

    Well i am totally alone now so i dont know what to do but imagine me and my penpal meeting, since he is the only person i have left. I am surprised he hasnt left me yet however we havent been talking everyday like we used to, i know why now though. He has a girlfriend so i understand its just..... That doesnt make me feel any better. In fact i feel jealous and i dont know why probably because all this time he has been so nice and then now he has a girlfriend we dont talk as much anymore. Maybe i will lose him as well and that would hurt me very much since i consider him very much a friend but maybe he doesnt. Maybe he was lonely like me and now his found someone it doesnt matter anymore. Now i know this i cant imagine meeting him because maybe it was a lie. If he goes then that will be it for me i dont think i could get another panpal as good as him. Maybe i need a boyfriend then i wont be lonely anymore but no one loves me or even likes me so that wont ever happen😭

  5. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to ravish rodent

    Hi ravish rodent

    I am gaining confidence but only little by little, i did end up getting a job at maccas but they havent rang me up to tell me when i start. The problem is everything just goes too slowly with me even last year i achieved nothing so i t doesnt matter whether there is a pandemic or not its still the same. I dont really have any friends since they never last so there isnt any point of me having another friend or what, i think most of the time i do or say something wrong then they just leave. But everyone has expectations of how you are supposed to act and i just maybe dont live up to it

  6. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2177 posts
    17 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    Personally, I don't have many friends. I admit, this is my choosing. I tend to go for quality, not quantity. Actually, most of my pals are within my family. I believe the time will come when, again, I will expand out into the world and bring some new friends into my own world. It's a bit like breathing in a way. Start off as a little kid, expand out into the world, collect a few friend and bring them in. Then those friends drift away. Take a breather then, when a little older, out I go again, collecting a breath of fresh air (new friends) and bring them in. Repeat. Haven't ventured out too much over the past several years. Made acquaintances but no new close friends. All in good time Unicorndogge. All in good time. Out we will go, breathing in new experiences, new people. Sometimes it takes a bit of time and some good fortune, to be able to come across people who are good quality people. Maybe your new job will give you new opportunities.

    While your pen pal breathes in some new experiences, it sounds like he hasn't forgotten you. I imagine you're still an important part of his circle. Our circles expand based on where we're at in our life. In time, your circle of people will expand too.

    Do you have any interests outside of home, where you could meet some people? Maybe some community groups of some nature. Would you like working with animals, volunteering a few hours here and there? Animals are amazing. They don't have any great expectations of us. They just accept us for who we naturally are. A lot of the time, people who love working with animals are very natural sort of people. You sound like a very natural sort of person.

    :)

  7. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    18 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    Sorry for the late reply, time got away! Just thought I'd stop by and say hello again, and see how things are. The friend has moved away by now, yes? How did your health concerns go? Feel free to let me know, though absolutely no pressure of course.

    Tay100

  8. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    18 December 2020 in reply to therising

    Hey therising

    Well its not a new experience for him, to have a girlfriend. When i first started talking with him he actually just broke up with his previous girlfriend. So yeah.... I can see why all the girls would like him, he is sweet and caring, interesting. But what do i have, not even a friend instead i got used for sex and the more i think about it the more pointless i seem. Maybe thats all i am good for, to throw away. I got this jpb and i still dont know when i start maybe its just a lie to make me feel better because certainly i have gave up on this “ you have to wait to get good things“. I have just gave up, been drinking vodka everyday to make me feel good even though i never used to drink. Surprising though i have got used to it, at least there is something to look forward to when the afternoon comes i still in the spa and just drink.

    No my penpal has forgotten me its just we dont talk a lot like we used to, because of this girlfirend. Like why cant i have a boyfriend am i not lovable enough, why wont people love me?

    I dont care about jobs or friends anymore, i think it all pans out the same no matter what you do

  9. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    18 December 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Hi tay

    His gone, he used me for sexand i was stuipd enough to want it. It was all a lie, i didnt even get to know him he was just faking he cared about me and he really didnt, even worse his friend lied to me about him blocking me. All i have now is my penpal who i talk to only every three days now so thats just great. At least i have my vodka to make me feel better

  10. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    20 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    I'm sorry to hear that, having someone abandon us abruptly like that can be challenging- shall we brainstorm some useful coping mechanisms together? Talking to the penpal sounds like a great start- perhaps you could try talking to them more frequently or even find another one to add in? Let me know how that suonds.

    Tay100

  11. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    21 December 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Hey tay

    I cant take this anymore, there isnt any point to my life if all i am is invisable to everyone

  12. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5908 posts
    21 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge
    Hey Unicorndogge

    We're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight. We're are so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain and feel like you are invisible to everyone. Please know that you're not alone in this. We are also checking in with you privately because we are concerned for your well being. If you're are in immediate danger, please call 000.

    Please remember that support is always here for you. The friendly counsellors at Kids Helpline are always available to talk these feelings through, 24/7, on 1800 55 1800 or you can visit https://kidshelpline.com.au for webchat. The Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or Lifeline 13 11 14, are also great supports where you can talk through your thoughts and feelings.

    Please keep letting us know how you're doing, whenever you feel up to it.
  13. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2177 posts
    21 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorn

    It sounds like you are feeling so much pain. My heart truly goes out to you, so very much.

    It's a horrible feeling, to feel invisible. It can leave us with so much self doubt at times, that's for sure. You can be left doubting whether anyone really cares, you can be left doubting you're here for a reason and doubting that there's any kind nature left in anyone anymore. So much doubt. It really is horrible. It's so hard to maintain faith in yourself when there's so much doubt.

    Finding the people in our life who have the ability to remove this kind of doubt from our mind can definitely be challenging. It can be hard to find such people. Personally, I only have a few key people in my life like this (which I'm fortunate to have), the rest can lead me to feel full of self doubt, really testing me at times. The rest can lead me to feel like I'm the odd one out, the difficult or stupid one, the slightly crazy one or weird one and I've come to understand it's basically because they don't appreciate me for who I naturally am. Other people can have a lot of faults in them, that can lead us to self doubt. It just doesn't seem fair, especially when who we are is someone incredibly special.

    Can you think of the sort of people who would not lead you to self doubt? Unicorn, for me those people are mind/body/spirit sort of people. I admit, I'm lucky there are so many more of them around these days. I can even go to one of those body/mind/spirit festivals and find thousands of these sort of people there. I feel at home, at one of those festivals. When I step back out into the world, it can feel pretty challenging. For me, I find people who are more natural or soulful are less egotistical and superficial. They are more sensitive, more open minded, more accepting and more inspirational. It's amazing how many people we meet in life who are insensitive, closed minded, unaccepting and degrading. I figure, no wonder we can be left with so much self doubt.

    My wish for you is that you find more soulful people, people who will one day lead you to say 'I can't believe the kind of people I used to associate with. No wonder I was left feeling so down at times'. I have no doubt you're an amazing person Unicorn. Finding those who really see us becomes our challenge in reaching the point of no longer feeling invisible.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    21 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    So sorry to hear that you were going through what sounds like quite a low patch recently- do let us know if you end up using the resources Sophie_M suggested- we are here to listen and help you navigate things so you can have the best experience when reaching out, especially when we are feeling extra low. How are you travelling now?

    Tay100

  15. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    22 December 2020

    Hi everyone

    I am alone this Christmas even though everyone is up here for Christmas it’s like I am left out and I made to do everything (housework, wrapping my dads Christmas presents)

    I can’t take this amount of pressure. I can’t sleep. Why me? Why cant I have a good Christmas? I need some vodka right now just when I thought I wasn’t going to drink again it looks like I need one because obviously no one listens to you. So again I am invisible in my own family

  16. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5908 posts
    22 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge
    Hey Unicorndogge, we're so sorry to hear how stressful your day has been. We acknowledge the pressure that Christmas time causes and we can imagine how frustrating it would be to receive no support from your family. Would you feel comfortable letting them know how stressed you've been feeling? perhaps they'd realise how inattentive they have been ?

    We would recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. It might be worth finding out what they can offer you.

    Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

    We hope that you take these easy Unicorndogge and are kind to yourself during this time.   
  17. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    29 December 2020 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi sophie

    Its too late now. I am a disappointment and embarrassment to my whole family. I tried so hard to be sensible and that is not good enough, you need to be perfect. My brother is getting all the complements he seems to be better then me at everything. My housework doesnt cut it 😭

  18. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    29 December 2020 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicornogge, how is everything going?

    I've checked in with you a few times but haven't gotten any replies.

  19. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    3 January 2021

    Hi Unicorndogge

    Christmases can be rough, and feel near impossible when we aren't getting the love and attention we deserve. We are sorry you had to see your brother receive attention that you should have also received. Have you managed to get in touch with beyond blue via email or look up any of the services they suggested? They can provide you with clarity and a strategy to help you deal with these family issues. Let us know what you find, if you like.

    Tay100

  20. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    8 January 2021
    Cant do anything right. No point in getting a job at maccas if i cant even cook
  21. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    8 January 2021 in reply to Unicorndogge

    That's not true Unicorndogge.

    Maybe you could ask if you could do other things there, if you feel like you want to work there? No pressure, just a friendly suggestion.

  22. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    10 January 2021 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    I agree with mb20lover- you can do things right and deserve a chance to work there if that's what you wish. You could try and ask about a traineeship or other junior roles if you like as mb20lover said, or even get them to recommend you another similar role in another company? Let us know what you end up doing if you like.

    Tay100

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    17 January 2021
    No one to talk to😭
  24. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    17 January 2021 in reply to Unicorndogge
    We're here for you, Unicorndogge
  25. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2177 posts
    17 January 2021 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    Talk and vent as much as you need to. This is a really tough time for you, too tough not to be talking it out with someone. Here to listen.

    :)

  26. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hi Unicorndogge

    I'm sorry that you are in such a rough headspace- please know we are here to listen if you'd to discuss anything at all. If you feel you need more structured help you can also make use of other Beyond Blue counselling services also. Be kind to yourself, we are here when you are ready.

    Tay100

  27. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    19 January 2021 in reply to Unicorndogge
    Hey Unicorndogge, no pressure to check in. We just want to know that you're safe and ok. Take care, we're all here for you.
    1 person found this helpful
  28. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    27 January 2021

    I just finished my drawing of my penpal. But even though he likes it, i still dont think its good enough😭 i stuffed it up. I took all that effort and its just not impressive. I know i am an perfectionist but his like my only friend. 😭 he says it amazing and thats not good enough for me why?

    Do i have feelings for him? I love the way he talks to me, i love how interesting he is, i love how kind and sweet he is, i love how patient he is, i love how supportive he is

    This cant be real

    This is wrong

    But i love him❤️

    😭 all this time talking even tho i dont know him in real life i have feelings for him. Then i keep thinking about him and it just hurts

    I want this to stop

    I dont want any feelings

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    27 January 2021 in reply to Unicorndogge

    Hey Unicorndogge, it's lovely to hear from you. I've been thinking of you and I've been worried (don't apologise, I'm just a caring person, well I try to be).

    Your drawing is AMAZING, it looks lifelike. I'm glad you took some time to yourself to draw a portrait of him, that's very sweet, and sounds like it was a bit of self care for you. I'm sure he would LOVE it, I know I do! Like WOW!

    You didn't stuff anything up, in the drawing or in general, I promise you. I'm your friend, I wish I could talk to you in person and whatnot, but I'm your friend here, always. Nothing will change that. I'm glad you found your Penpal too, that's sweet and I'm happy for you.

    Aw how cute that you think you have feelings for him, maybe he has feelings for you too? How adorable.

    It's not wrong to have feelings for him, he sounds like a nice guy, so don't feel bad about that.

    I'm here for you, always. I hope you're ok. Love and hugs, Unicorndogge.

  30. Unicorndogge
    Unicorndogge avatar
    140 posts
    28 January 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Hi mb20lover

    He doesnt like me at all😭

    My drawing isnt good enough

    I must start again

    I took too long😭

    It wasnt impressive

    I am so sorry dont hate me😭

    He is lying to me everyone does

    1 person found this helpful

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