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Topic: I feel like I'm being completely shut out by my friends

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. abb90909
    abb90909 avatar
    1 posts
    7 June 2021

    In high school my friend group didn't really like me, and I don't know why. They were mean and hardly ever invited me to hang out and such. I struggled a lot with mental health issues in high school so it really hit my self-esteem badly.
    I'm now 22 years old. I thought I had a new friendship group and I didn't have to worry about pathetic high school drama anymore. I have a university degree and I'm currently in the middle of my second one, so I figured I'd involve myself around more mature people.

    And my friendship group has been good for the past 3-4 years, however, over the past month I've noticed it's changed a bit. It started when I fell out of a close friendship with a girl I had known since around year 9. Lately she has been very self-absorbed and doesn't really bring much to our friendship anymore so we have slowly been drifting away. It hurts, absolutely, but she was very toxic. Still, I don't hate her or anything and if she was with us when hanging out with our other friends I wouldn't care at all. My other friends seem to be a lot closer with her now, and all of a sudden they've been going out doing things together that we all would usually do. I feel as though the friend I've drifted away from is almost like the 'ring leader'. I hate putting it like that, but it's almost like if she doesn't like someone or doesn't like doing something then all her friends can't like that person or can't do that thing.

    I had plans to have dinner and see a movie with one of the other girls the other week but she said she was sick and couldn't go anymore (she told me this the night before our plans), and yet the next day she was out in town with the other friends going to lunch and hanging out. One of them was even sending me snapchats of them all hanging out?? I sent one of the girls a message asking if I have done anything wrong and now she's just ignoring me because she's been active on every other platform apart from facebook. I've come to realise that when we did all hang out, I'd only be invited if I organised something. I just feel really lonely, like I'm almost 23 years old and going through this stupid high school stuff again. I'm not good at making friends, and I really have no one now apart from my boyfriend. I've been friends with one of the other girls for 2 years, the other 5 years, and I feel like they really just don't even care about me or our friendship. I'm finding this is taking a toll on my mental health.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. james1
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    james1 avatar
    2894 posts
    7 June 2021 in reply to abb90909

    Hello abb90909

    Welcome to the forums!

    I'm really sorry to hear that you are starting to feel like you're being shut out and ostracised from the group. I understand you find it really hard to make new friends and it sounds like you have put a lot of eggs into this basket, so to speak, so it's really painful and lonely to think that they don't actually really care about you.

    I'm also not someone who makes friends easily, so every time I've lost a friend it's really tough for me mentally. I don't think I've ever been obviously excluded from my friends' events, but I imagine that must feel really hurtful. Like you say, surely that kind of stuff only happens in high school, right? It's crazy to think that people can still be like that in their 20's, but I'm 29 now and it still happens. I think some people just take a long time to grow up.

    I've actually been thinking more about my own friends recently and, while I think they're fantastic, I do want to expand my social group a bit. A lot of my friends have moved away so I only catch up with them a few times a year. So I'm just about to start doing ju-jitsu to just meet new people. Have you done anything similar to just try and meet new people, even if not make new friends?

    James

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