Hi again, the rising! And thanks for your response. You seem like a really wonderful mother. Your kids are just as lucky to have you as you are to have them.
However, I feel a bit hesitant to call myself a "visionary"...
Maybe I agree that I have a "brilliant mind". I'm perceptive and empathetic. I like how I interpret the world and people around me... I just don't feel capable of expressing these interpretations. Every outlet feels beyond my skillset. I love writing, art, music, etc. but every time I try to use these hobbies as an outlet, I get frustrated because nothing does my internal world justice, especially since I'm not good at my hobbies. Even when it comes to presenting myself to others, it's so difficult to control how I communicate and express myself. I stumble over my words, lose track of what I'm saying, or totally blank out. It's hard to explain, but it's like when I get out of my head, there's a haze. Everyone thinks I'm an introverted little airhead, but really, there's just so much going up in this lil noggin and I don't know how to express it.
I AM, however, good at things like organising, planning, categorising, editing, correcting... But I'm not creative enough to create something from nothing, and I'm not intellectual enough to put my plans into motion. So I feel like all the things I'm good at are just suffix talents, if that makes sense?
I think that's one of the reasons I'm so frustrated with school. I just want to work on my hobbies so I have outlets to then find myself in. But instead, it feels like school has killed any kind of passion I used to have, especially for art and English.
But I shouldn't complain. If I just got out of my head, worked harder, focused more and managed my time better, I could make time for my hobbies. I wouldn't be so left behind and useless. I guess it's just the age old question of "is this laziness, or depression?"
I could go into so much depth, explore the different avenues of my internal monologue, but alas, there's a character limit haha. Sorry for rambling... My goal here isn't to fish for compliments, I think I just want to get this – these thoughts – out there... Somewhere. Anywhere. So thank you for listening :) I appreciate it more than you know.