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Topic: I feel like it will just be my parents and I forever

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jen3339
    Jen3339 avatar
    1 posts
    2 August 2020
    Growing up I really struggled to keep positive friendships and be part of teams because of self esteem issues . If I wasn’t perfect at something I would talk my way out of it and feel it is hard to get any passions because I am so consumed by wanting to impress others. I am extremely close with my parents and spend all my time with them because of my inability to form strong friendships . I find it hard to socialise because I talk to my parents about everything instead of talking to others my own age and our relationship has gotten really toxic because I project my anger of not being able to make friends onto them. I want to build myself as a person but hate joining groups as I feel I will be rejected and made fun of, this means I have no where to build connections outside of school. I am lost and have no idea who I am. I am so self absorbed I find it hard to concentrate on other things such as school work and my friends issues and am constantly comparing my lack of friendships and relationships to others. Should I move out of home and go to boarding school to not rely on my parents? How can I stop being so sensitive and just start forming lasting friendships I feel as though I have tried so many different groups and sports but none stick.
    3 people found this helpful
  2. White Rose
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    3 August 2020 in reply to Jen3339

    Dear Jen3339

    Hello and welcome to the forum. Here you can talk about anything you wish without feeling there is something wrong with you. You have already impressed by writing here as it is not an easy thing to do.

    Jumping into a group situation may be a bit testing but there are other options. Is there something you enjoy doing or would like to find out about? Something that you can do on your own without calling on your parents for approval or help? For many years I have enjoyed tracing my family history and found it very satisfying. You may need to ask your parents a little about your immediate family, grandparents etc, but you can do the research on your own via the web.

    This has all sorts of spin offs such as finding out what it was like to live in your grandparents' or great grandparents' time. What jobs they had, how many children and what happened to them.I found getting records of births, marriages and deaths quite fascinating. Getting married on Christmas Day was something strange to me but quite normal in the past. It may have been the only time they had a day off work. I think once you have found some confidence in doing something like this on your own you will find it easier to relate to others.

    Moving out of home is a huge step as it can be very challenging. Even going to a boarding school where everyday things like getting meal are taken care of would probably not help your confidence with other students. And of course there is the expense. Doing something that requires some expertise from you, even though you must gain that expertise, can be a huge confidence booster. I was always pleased with myself when I tracked down some elusive fact.

    Does your school have any counselors? You may find it helpful to talk to one of these people. If there is a teacher you find approachable it may help to talk to that person. Make a list of things you would like to change about yourself and work on those. Give a big tick when you feel better about it.

    I hope these ideas work for you.

    Mary

  3. White Rose
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    3 August 2020 in reply to White Rose

    Hello Jen

    Just dropping by to see how you are going. Was anything helpful? Perhaps some other people will drop by and post to you. Please come back and check.

    Mary

  4. pinktulip
    pinktulip avatar
    33 posts
    6 August 2020 in reply to Jen3339

    Hi there,

    I can relate to you. In retrospect, I had low self esteem which caused me not to initiate speaking to people. However, when at high school a group of people befriended me and were okay with me not speaking much at all. However, I got sick and went to Distance Education.... and because I didn't initiate things probably due to low self esteem, I ended up losing them. Also had a friend died... thought of the friends who were mutual but didn't contact anyone because I thought it would bring up grief.

    However, I used to bury myself in my school work. But then I got really depressed and when really depressed you can't do that... So you feel really bad about yourself.

    And yes, I can relate to wanting to get away from parents. Like parents at times have gone to local community theatre to watch a play on the weekend and I've could have gone only I didn't want to as children in their 20s don't go with their parents...

    Um, I tried the genealogy route too... However, once I asked whether I could volunteer at the family history society... and the person said they had too many people... 2 months later, in the newsletter they said they needed volunteers. I think maybe because my mother and I had joined and had asked when together... maybe they didn't want a younger person who might have been looking slightly depressed at the time... Once, my mother said they were all dead people re genealogy... I think she thought that would encourage me to seek new social connections... didn't really make me feel good about doing genealogy in the first place... Did have someone post on reddit though who is interested in heraldry/genealogy wanting to start a club at Uni recently...

    A sibling once had to do Distance Education too and he was playing Pokemon online re hobby... However, because he saw advertised a competition re Pokemon playing he went to it... Anyway he was wearing a soccer jersey... and someone randomly talked to him about soccer. The guy invited him to play soccer with him and his friends once a week... And by luck, he made some friends due to that... so they did drift apart but every now and again they meetup...

    If anyone has some suggestions for young people... please mention them...

  5. unbearable
    unbearable avatar
    2 posts
    15 August 2020 in reply to Jen3339

    I am in the exact same situation as you. I have my parents but nobody else. I can completely understand your fear that the solitude will continue forever - I share it.

    If there is any way to escape this situation, I haven't found it yet, but I do hope that it is some small consolation to know that you are not alone.

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