Hey, of course. That's what we're here for :)
I think it's amazing that you want to go to therapy. I'm not sure what state you live in or your age... In NSW, someone requires involuntary care and treatment in a psych ward if there's reason to believe there is irrational behaviour that could cause potential harm to yourself/someone else. I would really recommend you research the laws of consent in your state in terms of admission into a psych ward if it's something you're concerned about.
But if you are seeking therapy.. I want you to know that those facilities aren't the first resort. Many people disclose having suicidal thoughts to their doctors and this doesn't by any means guarantee admission anywhere, unless you say that you've taken steps to end your life or are actively planning to.
I know in NSW you can make medical decisions like seeing a therapist or GP without a parent being notified, if that's something you're worried about. Being prescribed medication for a mental health condition requires your consent.. You cannot be forced to take it. In my experience, my GP suggested a small dose of an antidepressant for suicidal ideation, and I accepted it because I wanted to.. And I believe he suggested it because it was a crisis situation. He then made me a mental health care plan, and I went to see a psychologist.
I can see that you try to minimise your feelings and feel guilty for talking about them with us.. It's incredibly common and hard to overcome. Please know that everything you're going through is heard and it's valid. You are allowed to be honest about struggling with suicidal thoughts and depression. You are allowed to be in pain. I know it's easy to feel shame, but I hope you come to a place where you learn that you have no reason to be ashamed.
It's not easy to open up, especially to a stranger. But in my experience, they are well aware of that and are trained to help you with it, and ease you into things. They respect what you do and don't want to talk about and they're very patient and understanding.
There will always be someone who has it harder than we do.. But that is no reason to dismiss your own feelings.. It doesn't make them go away. It's a toxic sort of mindset and it's very common.. It's usually passed down I think. But I hear and believe your pain. You aren't selfish.
I'm here if you want to chat <33