Im 19 years old and from the age of 13 ive had severe depression, anxiety. This was because of the things I've gone through since a small child, specifically, having an abusive and manipulative father who still on occasion will harass and scare us. I've been dealing with these things for most of my life, alone with the help of my religion, with no help or understanding from any of my family (my non immediate family are not in australia) and recently i found I have OCD, more specifically I wash my hands compulsively, and cannot sleep till my bed and body is clean, if i touch something by accident, i need to wash it again, and if i dont or cant i will freak out, pace back and forth and breathe heavy. I realize this is something i need to work on, but I am a student and cannot afford therapy so I'm trying to deal with it myself. However my family (mother and sister) make it so much worse. We share a small house, and because of how small it is everyone can hear everything and if one light is one everyone knows. Ontop of this the bathroom is right next to my mother's room. We have daily fights about this, and they will talk badly behind my back and my sister will insult, roll her eyes and bump into me "accidently" after a night of me handwashing. I've tried to explain to them i cant help it and I don't mean to keep them awake but i literally cannot help. But they just tell me im selfish and incosiderate and i should just "stop". Its gotten to the point where when I AM washing my hands and trying to focus on not going on and on, the level of anxiety in me makes me feel as if I cant breathe and I often cry and tell myself I want to die.
My family also dont respect when I ask them not to touch things or put things on my bed, they just roll their eyes, ignore me, tell me it isnt a big deal or more specifically my mom will say its too bad its her house.
Apart from this, ive spent my whole life copping it left and right from my family. On one side my father abused and manipulated me, and treated me like I was the stupid child with issues ( he said this to my mother on multiple occasions when i was as young as 9) on the other side I have a mother continuously telling me what im doing wrong and how im like this and that. And then my sister who's just overall horrible towards me. Im at a loss at what to do and my mental state is extremely bad right now.