Good Morning DuOk1
I am so very glad that you are here and that you have reached out for support, I must firstly say that I am so very impressed at how positive you are considering the hurt and the pain that your family has put you through. I am so very very sorry that you have been told that you "are not really loved or cared for", I have no idea how hurtful that must have been to hear. The thing is with love and emotional intelligence it is something we learn from people who model it to us, and in your case this has not happened, however, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can be a loving person and a wonderful partner and go on to have wonderful successful relationships. I can hear that you love your job, that is a wonderful start, so what are the feelings and things that you think about when you are at work, what are the things that make you "love" it?
The other part is that when you are in a relationship or have met someone you would like to be in a relationship with, you work together, and talk and find out about each other. You teach each other what works for you and how you are feeling and they will do the same. The other part is that you are a great communicator, you write very well, so you can say all these things to a prospective partner, that you do have trouble with feelings and ask for some patience as this is new to you, no one will discount you for that.
Friendships are a little bit the same and I am so sorry that you are struggling with that, it is so very hard to manage, even when you are an old duck like me....there is a beautiful future ahead for you, you know why?? because you want it, you are working hard and you love your job and that is wonderful. Do you have any hobbies or other things that you are interested in that might help you to meet some like minded people and start some new friendships also?
I am so sorry that you have been called such names as weird, queer and a freak, I am speechless and actually don't understand why people need to say those things. I feel like everyone of us is weird in our own way so embrace it...you be who you are and do not change, the people who you will meet will love you for you.
I am not sure if I have helped at all but huge hugs to you and I hope you come back to chat some more.