Hope everyone is doing well....
I have a lot of negative feeling recently. I just would like to talk about it and throw everything out when no one judges me.... So let me start
I am upset about what I did in the past. I am a perfectionist. Now I am thinking if I did this and that, or not to do this and that in the past, then I might be a better person now. I might be more attractive, I might have more friends. I might be more successful. There might be less people who dislike me....etc
Secondly, I am a weird person. For example, I am only interested in thing/person I cannot get, and please. When a person tells me he/she dislike me, I will be very careful and try to please them. I will be upset and hopefully they can like me eventually. I understand that I should not waste time on those people but I should spend more time and effort in maintaining a health relationship with close friends , I cannot as I am not interested in the relationship once the relationship is well established. To me, I feel like it is a challenge to get everyone likes me. When they like me, I think mission is completed and let me move on.
Thirdly, I like to compare with others. I wonder why others have what I do not have. They are prettier, they are more attractive, they have more friends. They have a wealth family. Their grade is better. They have a better job. etc.... It upsets me when I start comparing but I cannot stop!
well... I hate myself being a person like this. Thank you everyone for listening to me. I do not have big issue. But it is really much appreciated to talk about all of these horrible thinking without being judged by anyone.