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Topic: I’m terrified of going on school camp

  1. Aaronsis
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    25 August 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hey Forrest_123

    I am wondering if we can start with what you mentioned about therapy, and if your parents found out they had another daughter who felt she needed support they would feel bad. Firstly can I say, and this is just me speaking from my parenting view point and yes, I would feel bad, but that would soon be replaced with "what can I do to help", so I am wondering what is so bad about them knowing? How have they responded to your sister in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable? Also can I ask you what is it about therapy that you are not comfortable with? Only if you feel like sharing this.

    I also wanted to mention something that my daughter is currently experiencing at this time with COvid, not being at school and not seeing her friends everyday, is this fear that they don't like her anymore. I can see this somewhat in my son too who is in year 10 but he is being a little more guarded about it. I think in these strange times when we are all isolating and apart, when school in online and you are not seeing each other at lunch and in class it is easy to let the mind overthink...to worry and to make up scenarios that don't exist. I am wondering if your friends are feeling a little vulnerable and worried too about friendships and if the relationships are still ok. Alot of people are really struggling at the moment with the lack of social interaction and even just being able to see other people, it is so hard. I am lucky, I get to go to work some days and I go to the supermarket and get petrol and do some things that involve other people, but my kids are just at home...never leaving apart for the small amount of exercise they do..if any...and are really not getting that feedback from their friends that they are all good and things are fine. I am wondering if some of this is true for you too?

    I hear you in that you said your heart is aching and you are crying alot, this is alot on top of feeling pressure to do school work and more school work and then having your phone limited. I am wondering if you did want to get on the Beyond Blue forum or even Kids Helpline you could say you are researching it for school, which is not entirely untrue, and you could access these supports and I think you could really use them now. I am so proud that you do persist and that even though it is hard for you to access this space you continue to do so, I hope that it is helping and that you feel supported here Forrest_123.

    Chat some more really soon

    Hugs

    Sarah

  2. Forrest_123
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    33 posts
    25 August 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thanks for responding.

    My sister pretty much got taken to hospital, all the dangerous objects in the house were locked up in a box, she went to a lot of therapy sessions and then my parents limited her activities a lot once they knew what was happening it was always “you can’t got out with your friends because of blah blah blah”
    I don’t want to do therapy because I find it terrifying to tell a person my feelings, I had to speak to the school councillor once because of my “test anxiety” or something and I didn’t say anything the entire time I was too nervous. I’m also scared that if I do talk to them I will tell them everything and end up getting sent to hospital like my sister. I know that probably means that I should talk to someone even more so but I’m just too scared.

  3. uncut_gems
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    351 posts
    26 August 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hi Forrest_123,

    Just checking back in on this thread to say hello and that I'm still thinking of you, and also how glad I am that you've found Sarah for support. I totally understand your concern about therapy, both about what might happen if you can't bring yourself to say anything and if you can't stop sharing what's on your mind.

    I do not know very much about the laws of psychiatric hospitalization in this country, but as long as you are not actively planning to hurt or kill yourself or someone else, most therapists won't bat an eye when they hear what you have to say. Their only job is to help you get better, and I fully believe it is possible to discuss these dark thoughts (sometimes called "ideation") in a way that does not put you at risk of getting sent to the hospital. It sounds like your heart is very heavy and that on some level you know talking to a therapist is the right next step, even though it is scary and of course hard to be the second sibling to go through something like this.

    We'll be here with you every step of the way, whatever you decide. I know this is a frightening place to be, right at the beginning of your mental health journey, but I can almost promise you that things will tend to get clearer and easier as you start to work through this stuff.

    Warmly,

    Gems

  4. Aaronsis
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    27 August 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hey Forrest_123

    I want to remind you of the strong person you are.

    Remember when you were terrified, absolutely terrified to talk to you parents and to the school about the bus and camp and how you were feeling? That young lady wrote a post called "Terrified to go on school camp". That same person fell back on her bravery and she spoke and sort help and now..from her own words.."today I had a meeting with my year coordinator and head of learning and it was scary but we have sorted out some stuff to do with camp and other school stuff." Can you feel the bravery, the relief and the pride in that statement? You are braver than you think and the more you trust in these support people, like your school counsellor, maybe a doctor and maybe a professional therapist, the more you feel comfort, the easier it is for you. You have made the very first step..the hardest of them all and you did it. Now let's take another one and reach out for some support here.

    I think your parents are doing the best that they too know how to do, with your sister, they have taken things away to keep her safe, they want her at home as they feel that this protects her. Sure not every thing that they are doing may sit right or be the right action or the right words, but they are there and they are trying. Also, you are observing what and how they are responding to with your sister, that is her journey and it might be working for her, your journey is different and as you are learning things you can communicate with them what helps and what does not. As you know this is not easy but there are many ways to let them know what you need. Also if you do reach out to a professional they can help you with the relationship with your parents and maybe give them some support too.

    Therapists and GP's are people who are on our team, on our side, they are there to help and provide support. I hope that you can reach out and ask for an appointment and let the people around you help you through this time Forrest_123.

    There is no reason for you to be sent to hospital, an appointment at the GP would be a wonderful start and you can even show them what you have posted here, you have communicated beautifully and really expressed what is bothering you..what do you think?

    I hope to chat some more to you soon.

    Hugs as always

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Forrest_123
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    33 posts
    30 August 2020 in reply to uncut_gems

    Thank you,

    I am preparing for camp today and heading off tomorrow, I’ll let you know how it went in 10 days time and then I will get started on some other stuff we have discussed.

    Everyone that has responded on this thread, thank you so much, you have all been such a great help.

    I will chat more soon 😊

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Aaronsis
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    31 August 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    HAVE THE MOST AMAZING TIME....

    I will be thinking of you and cannot wait to hear how it all went.

    Trust in you, you have got this and you are so very strong, enjoy and make some amazing memories.

    Have fun and chat soon.

    Sarah

  7. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    14 September 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hello,
    Camp was better than I thought, not good.. but still better than I thought. No one was sick which was good but I did still have a few anxiety attacks on the busses worrying. My friends also abandoned me and ran up the back of the bus leaving me crying alone so that was fun.

    Also I don’t get why if what you did in life doesn’t matter when you are dead but it matters at the start? Like in the end we are all going to rot in the ground anyways so why do we even try and make life good. The bad stuff outweighs the good anyways.

    Also I don’t get why my whole life is centred around tests. Like I put all my energy into preparing for these tests then in 1 hour they are over and I get a mark for them. It feels like it is marking how much I destroyed my wellbeing in the lead up.

    so yeah, also another note, I can’t stop biting my nails and I hate how it looks, I hate how I look but my nails make me especially insecure but I can’t stop biting them, and when I say they are short I mean I have bitten them so much they are almost non existent

  8. Aaronsis
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    15 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hi Forrest_123

    It is so very wonderful that even though camp was not brilliant, it was better than you thought, this is such fantastic news and I am so happy for you that you did have some time that you enjoyed. Well done for making it through and for being brave and going, for challenging yourself to get on that bus and for making the best of the situation that was presented to you, I am so proud of you.

    That is not cool that your friends left you crying, I hope you were able to chat to them and let them know some of what you were going through in the lead up to this camp and also that the bus ride was a huge anxiety point for you. It is really lousy of them to leave you feeling alone and like they didn't care.

    It is very true what you say, we essentially are all going to rot in the ground, that is the basic fundamental of anything and that is that we all have a life cycle, it must come to an end. So why does it matter then what we do in our life if we are going to end up dead. I guess there are two ways to look at it, and one is that we put up with it all until we are old and pass away, or we take every day as a new challenge a new opportunity and enjoy the time that we have here. Could you image a world where we all just sit in a room and do nothing as what is the point as we will all pass away? It would be a pretty miserable place to be, however, we can enjoy parks, and beaches, and learn new things, and be creative, and love other people, love animals, see other countries and experience growth and the pleasure that is life. You might like to challenge me on that but I essentially believe if we spend each day doing something for others it really makes for a good place to be.

    Ahhh test, you are really throwing me all the hard ones today Forrest_123..lol...school is a place where we learn, to gauge how well we have remembered what we have learnt we are tested...the outcome of the tests may get you into a Uni course where you will go on to learn a whole bunch of new things and be tested again. Testing is the way we as humans can create a distinction between those who have remembered the subject matter compared to others..in my opinion. Now, there is no way of getting out of this cycle as this is how we are awarded opportunities in life and rightly or wrongly this is how our society creates a system in order to choose who does what...I believe.

    Nail biting is hard to stop...I am running out of room here so will post another note on that.

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    17 September 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    It’s me again,

    I haven’t been doing good recently. I haven’t been doing good for a while, but I’ve only just fully admitted that to myself. People ask me if I’m ok it’s always “I’m fine” “I’m ok” “I’m just tired” but I’m not, I’m tired of life. I’m faking my smile. I just wanna pack up everything and move away to New York, to not have a care in the world, to be reckless, to have fun, to explore. To be happy. It’s not possible but its at the point where it feels like the only way. I just am done. I want to re start. I’m always anxious, I feel like everyone hates me, I am constantly under so much stress and pressure with school and trying to fit in, I sit in the shower for an hour just thinking, I cry myself to sleep every night. so yeah

  10. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    18 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123
    Hey Forrest_123,

    Thanks so much for keeping the community updated on how you've been feeling. We're really sorry to hear that you've been struggling recently, and feeling tired of life. It sounds like these feelings must be really tough to cope with, but please know that our community is here to help support you through this.

    We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 by phone (1800 55 1800) or also through  online chat: https://kidshelpline.com.au/​​​​ ​One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals to help you through this difficult time.

    You're also always welcome to get in touch with our Beyond Blue Support Service anytime by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

    We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.
  11. Aaronsis
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    18 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hello me again, it is really great that you have opened up Forrest_123 and let us know how you are really feeling.

    It is not easy to do, as you said, you have been faking your smile and telling everyone you are ok when you have come to realise that you are not ok. I know it is really hard for you to talk about your feelings with other people and so I am proud that you have been able to be honest with yourself, that is a really huge and important step, so well done.

    I hear what you are saying in that you want a fresh start, a reset button so that you can be who you feel you would like to be without the fear of judgement, in a place where no one knows you and you can be you. Can I suggest to you that your friends may already see you as this person, who is happy and who is loving life, as that is what you are portraying to them, they might believe you. So to go and be that person for real would be no different for them, just for you, but you get to be who you want to be.

    New York sounds amazing and you will get there one day, you can live out your dreams and fill your life full of what you are searching for, however it is not possible to do that at this time due to covid but also I don't think a year 9 person is quite ready to ditch everything and head off overseas....BUT...you can start planning, you can think about getting a part time job to save, you can think about what you want to do and be when you are there. What sort of things academically do you need to fulfil to be able to work over there? Do you want to study or travel..so many good things to start planning.

    Maybe you start a planning journal, and instead of laying in bed with your eyes full of tears, you can lay there and write and plot your trip. Spend maybe 20 minutes on this and then you can lay down with some music or something and fall asleep with the joy of the adventures that lay waiting for you. Who you will meet? What food will you try? What new things will you learn? So many cool paths to take your brain down that don't include tears.

    School is tough and I don't want to tell you otherwise, however, it is a time of growth for everyone, where everyone is trying to find who they are and what they also want in life. Can I suggest that maybe even some of the friends that are looking back at you with your fake smile to try to seem happy, a giving you a fake smile too. Is there one that you could share how you are feeling with. Maybe they need you too Forrest_123.

    Huge hugs to you

    Sarah

  12. Forrest_123
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    33 posts
    18 September 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thanks for that response, it has made me feel a lot better.

    last night shortly after I sent that post I cried for a few hours and had a couple anxiety attacks. I went to my mum and I think she saw how unhappy I was. Now we are looking at other schools I could move to because this private school with high standards that I am currently going to is putting too much pressure on me. It might not happen and my dad might not let me move but I think I have found a school I mostly like the sound of. If I do move it will be really stressful trying to learn everything about the school and people again especially as I have been at this school for 5 years and once I have moved I can’t really go back if it is as bad. But I am hoping it will be better.

    we’ll see how it goes 🤞🏻

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Aaronsis
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    22 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hi Forrest_123

    I am so proud of you for going to share with your mum how you are feeling. I hope you can see now on two occasions now you have spoken up and you have asked for help and support and it has turned out very differently than how you thought. You have received the love and the support that you need and that is fantastic. I hope you can put these little things in a file in your mind so that you can recall them when you are struggling or when an issue comes up and you can fall back on this information, these facts that are proof that you do have people who love and care for you and that there are solutions to problems.

    I cannot wait to hear how the conversation with your dad goes and what he says about the prospect of moving schools. It is a little daunting moving schools, I will not lie, however compared to what you have been through already, with the camp and the issues with that, this will be a walk in the park. I moved schools EIGHT times in my school life due to my father's job....by the end of it I was an expert. I know of what you mentioned with all the "what if's" and all the "how does that work there" questions that will be flying through your head, but we can talk about them in another post as you already have the skills to manage this, we just need to remind you.

    You are so brave and so strong and I am so proud of how you are doing all these things to help yourself and to move forward in your journey.

    Please remind yourself too, you are in year 9, you are a developing young adult and you are not supposed to have all of life figured out ....do any of us really? Please give yourself some peace here and step back, see how much of the mountain you have already climbed and feel the pride in your achievements!!

    How are you going with the school holiday break? What have you been up to?

    My poor kids are still in lockdown although my daughter did go on a run with her friend yesterday....but essentially they are doing nothing.

    Chat to you soon Forrest_123 and cannot wait to hear how things are going for you.

    Hugs

    Sarah

  14. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    28 September 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    Another problem now, yesterday I only ate 2 meals and today it’s been 24 hours and I haven’t eaten anything except for 1 rice cake and chewing gum. I know this is dangerous but I feel ugly and fat and I want to lose weight. my BMI is normal but I want to be in the underweight category so I can feel skinny. I know these are stupid thoughts and I should just eat but I don’t want to.
  15. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    28 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123
    Hi Forrest_123,

    We're sorry to hear that you're feeling this way about yourself. It sounds like you're struggling with some unhelpful thoughts and behaviour at the moment - please know that there is support available to you to help you deal with this tough issue.

    There is an organisation called the Butterfly Foundation which offers support for eating disorders and body image issues. We'd recommend you check out their website - https://butterfly.org.au/

    To talk through the thoughts, we would again urge that you do get in touch with Kids Help Line. 

    Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.  
  16. Aaronsis
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    29 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hey Forrest_123

    It is great to hear from you but no so good that you are struggling with how you look and your weight. I am glad that you have checked with the BMI scale and that you are in the "normal" category. I am not going to try to tell you that skinny is "this" or skinny is "that"...you are a very intelligent young woman and I dont need to lecture you on weight BUT what I do want to mention to you is a few other things, you will know this already but just a reminder:

    What we consume really does play a huge part in our mental health. A good nutritious diet is essential to give our brains the minerals it needs to stay healthy. If we are already struggling with ill mental health then a compromised diet is not going to help our poor old brain. There are plenty of good foods to eat that will keep your weight at a good level while still providing your body and mind with the essentials it needs to serve you well. Things like fish and green leafy veggies, some fruits like berries and also some nuts too.

    I am glad that you have acknowledged that these are "just thoughts", they really are and if they want to sabotage you this is how they play with you. Please remember they are just thoughts and being healthy and feeding your body is an essential part of your life and maintaining good mental health.

    In my opinion being a healthy, glowing and well weighted person is beautiful. Being a happy and healthy overweight person is beautiful and being a skinny and healthy person is also beautiful..the key here is healthy. I think you know that a rice cake for the day is not serving you very well Forrest_123, I hope you can nourish you today.

    Here to chat and to support you, as too the awesome support lines that Sophie_M has mentioned too.

    Huge hugs to you

    Sarah

  17. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    29 September 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    I ate a protein bar today. I’m really trying. It’s been a crappy day and I found myself contacting lifeline. They were useless and just parroted what I said. I don’t know at what stage I should ask my parents to take me to hospital but I am worried that I am getting close to needing urgent treatment. I took a walk today without telling my parents and found myself at the park crying. My mum called me on my phone and got mad at me saying she was going to take my phone away. After I said sorry and hung up I had a strong urge suicide. That’s when I texted some friends but all of them said I should just go back home and that I couldn’t go to their house for a bit so then I texted lifeline. Please let me know what point you think I should go to a hospital because I really don’t know if I’m overreacting.
  18. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    29 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123
    Hi Forrest_123,
    Well done for reaching out to Lifeline several times, even after that initial experience with them. It sounds like you're really trying very hard to manage this difficult day, which would be so hard when you feel unsure about whether you should go to the hospital. 

    There is a part of you that is telling you that you are 'getting close to needing urgent treatment' and it sounds like this is the time to listen to that feeling. If you are ever unsure about whether you need emergency services, let them be the ones to make the decision. Calling triple zero is always okay, they are understanding of the fact that you may be feeling stressed, overwhelmed, distressed or any other intense emotion. 
  19. Aaronsis
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    30 September 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hi Forrest_123

    I am so proud of you that you had the courage to call Lifeline yesterday, that would have taken alot to do and I am so proud you made that choice for you, to keep you safe. It didn't go as well as you would have liked but in saying that, it also may have also shown you what support you do need and what does and does not work for you, which is very valuable to know.

    I think anytime that you are considering if it is time to present at the emergency department that is the time. I can hear how hard it is for you to open up to your parents and to let them know how much you are suffering right now but it might be time for that too. Taking your phone away is not a great option right now as it is providing you access to services that you need to support you. I think it is time to let your parents know as much of the story as you can. As we have said before, if talking is too much, you can write it all out and give it to them, anyway at all to let them know the seriousness of this situation.

    Over reacting is a funny old thing and tends to have many negative connotations. It seems when we say we are over reacting that we are putting too much emphasis or too much focus on a situation, or even that we are making something out to be so much bigger than it is. However, when it comes to your life, to your safety, to making sure you are safe, especially if you are having thoughts of suicide, that we do react..immediately. I don't think there is ever to much OVER reaction to this if that makes sense. Keeping you safe Forrest_123 is the priority here and you need to do what ever that is to ensure you are safe.

    You have a lot on your plate and I am wondering how you are feeling today and how you are going with eating and thoughts around your weight? I hope that you are okay and that you feel up to chatting here soon. Also that you can think seriously about that note to your parents, please reach out.

    Hugs to you sweet Forrest_123

    Sarah xxx

  20. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    Frick me. Frick me. I hate everything. I want to be not alive. I have never failed a test before and today I did. I failed my economics essay. I never want to go back to school again. I ran away from my teacher having an anxiety attack before she told me my actual mark or explained everything and to be honest i DONT EVEN CARE ANYMORE. I failed and that is that. I hate it. I HATE IT. Everything is going wrong. I’m gonna lock myself in the bathroom so I don’t have to go to school for the next week at least. I don’t want to be told all the “it’s only one test” or “everyone fails” or “it’s a chance to improve” because my grade went from an A straight to a D. Urgh I HATE everything. When can god give me a heart attacker something because to be honest I can’t be bothered even trying at school anymore. I put so much work into that essay and thought I did well and I FAILED. Help me I want to leave everything.
  21. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to Forrest_123
    Hey Forrest 123, thanks for reaching out this afternoon and sharing your day with us. We're so sorry to hear how overwhelming and anxiety-provoking your day has been. We understand how disappointing and heartbreaking receiving a poor mark can be especially when you have put so much effort in.  If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. We'd also like to let you know that our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you. Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.  
  22. Aaronsis
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    14 October 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hey Forrest_123

    I am not going to tell you "we all fail sometimes", that "it is only one exam" or that "it is a chance to improve"....you do know all this already.

    You worked hard, you put all your effort in, you felt good about it and you thought you did well. It is heartbreaking when we find that our efforts have not met the "expectations" or the "criteria"..it hurts, it is hard and it is very distressing. Especially if you already are having troubles with your feelings and your emotions and things are a bit tough to begin with.

    I understand the feeling of wanting to be isolated, to not have to face any of it..to be left alone to be with the feeling of failure...however....it is fine to do for a short while, you are allowed to feel upset, to feel disappointed and to feel hurt...it is what we do next that matters.

    You put all your effort into that essay and it didn't pay off...this time. So it is time to ask ourselves some questions:

    * I failed once, should I never try again?

    * I failed at something, does this make me a failure in life?

    * Do I deserve to die because I failed?

    If life went to plan everyday and things were just plain sailing we would learn nothing in life, we need to have challenges Forrest_123 to grow, to learn and to develop resilience. As hard as it is, as much as it hurts it is a part of our life. We have to learn to stand up and say "I am not that essay, I am not a failure, I did not meet the mark this time, I will try because I am worth the effort"

    You are very much worth the effort, an essay does not define you, you are not the result of that essay.

    It is hard to see your grades slip, I get that, but as grades get higher the work does get harder, expectations rise and just because we were an A grade student last year is no "expectation" we will be this year, or next year.

    Trying, continuing to get up when we have been knocked down, these are the things that matter now.

    You are not that essay Forrest_123....

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

  23. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    25 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi,

    I don’t know if I want to move schools. My dad doesn’t want me to but my mum doesn’t mind. I don’t know if anything will be better at a new school, and if it isn’t I’ll just have to stick it out. Also my current school will apparently give me better ATAR results and it will look better on my resume, it also has better facilities. I kinda just want a big change in my life though, I want something new, I want to meet new people and try new things, only I don’t know if this possible happiness for 3 more years will be worth it if it means it makes the rest of my life harder just because I moved schools. I honestly have no idea. I thought a trial day would help me decide but it only made the decision harder. And I don’t know who to ask for help from because everyone is biased. What should I do?

  24. Aaronsis
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    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    26 October 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hey Forrest_123

    Well this sure is something to sit with and there is a decision to be made, so how I would do it is get a big piece of paper and write down all the good things about your current school and why you should stay, then all the not so good things and then do the same for the new school. There is always some compromise with making these sorts of things so you have to address what your "non negotiables" are....then try and see which school fits the picture.

    How did you feel on your 'try it" day? Do you think you may need another one to help you to make this decision?

    I hear that you say your parents are at opposite ends of the table on this, so ask them what they have based their decisions on and see what you think about their suggestions and reasons, but ultimately this is your call.

    I am not sure that the facilities would come into play for me, I would be thinking of the subjects and if I can do what I needed to, as that is the very reason we are at school, so you probably don't want to move if you cannot get the subjects you need. Also, how did you find your welcome at the new school, did you get a good vibe about it, were people happy to help and did you feel warm about it?

    It is a big decision to make and keep talking to your parents, writing down your list of what works and what does not...I think listen to your gut instincts too, I usually listen to what my gut is telling me.

    If meeting new people and making a big change is what you are calling out for then go for it. You never know until you give something a go, however in the end, only you can make this call.

    I know this is probably not too much help Forrest_123 but here to chat some more if you want to go through what you are considering and how you are feeling.

    Hugs

    Sarah

  25. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    it’s me again. I have decided not to move schools. I’m going ok right now but still not good. I still want to be unalive but the thoughts of actually hurting myself have subsided for the first time in the past few months. So yeah.

  26. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Forrest_123
    Hi Forrest_123,

    Thanks for keeping the community updated. It's good to see that you've made a positive connection with Sarah. We're glad to hear that things have been improving, and we hope that it feels good to have made a decision about school.

    We're sprry that you're still wanting to be unalive. To talk through the thoughts, we would again urge that you do get in touch with Kids Help Line. 

    Do feel free to keep us updated here on your thread whenever you feel up to it. 
  27. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    19 November 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hi Forrest_123

    It is so great to hear from you and also so wonderful to hear that the thoughts have subsided, this is such wonderful news and I am so pleased for you. You did mention things are going OK, and you know what, sometimes OK is a pretty good place to be.

    I hope that you are good with your decision to stay at the school you are at and that you feel like this is the best choice for you. Changing schools is not always the answer, the grass is not always greener on the other side, as the old saying goes, but hopefully the school you are at now is ok enough to provide you with the education and support you need and that you feel supported. I am proud you have been able to consider though that a change of school was an option and that you went down that path to see if it was right for you and have made a choice, this is a really empowering thing to be able to do.

    I am mostly to happy to read that you are safe at this time and that you don't have the thoughts that were overtaking you like before, this is such a huge step forward in the right direction and well done for taking care of yourself and for talking Forrest_123.

    What else have you been up to in your days? As we are coming out of lock down I am finding lots of things that I was able to do before , even just a catch up with a friend so wonderful, I hope you have been able to do some things that make you feel good too.

    Looking forward to chatting whenever you can.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

  28. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    25 November 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    I thought it was getting better but tonight I have found myself in a bad place again. I’ve cancelled all my plans with friends but now I feel bad for letting them down. I’m withdrawing myself again. I just can’t do people anymore. Too much drama, too much competition, too many lies. Just too much of everything bad. I can’t do it anymore. I tried and reached out to a friend, she was really nice but I now feel bad for putting all my problems onto her. So now I find myself with no one.
    I am meant to be talking to the school phych and head of learning but they keep telling me taht my brain is wrong and there is no external problems and that it’s all my fault. And maybe it is. I don’t want to talk to them anymore because if I’m being honest it is doing the opposite of what it’s meant to and I’m just becoming more stressed over it. But if I tell them I don’t wnat to continue they start to hold it against me and then start saying “after everything we’ve done to help you” and stuff.

    I have also found myself taking blame for everything now just to save other peoples pain.
    It is getting tough.
    Also I am safe right now and I’m not going to hurt myself.

    thanks Sarah

    From forrest_123

  29. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    11 December 2020 in reply to Forrest_123

    Hey Forrest_123

    It is so lovely to talk with you again and I apologize for my tardy reply, I too have been taking some time to work on me, so that when I talk to you that you can feel supported and cared for and not a cup full of blah blah that I don't do myself.

    I am so sorry to hear that things have been taking a turn for the worse, I hope that you are feeling a little different now as it was some time since your post. I also understand what you mean about your school counsellor feeling like you are letting them down by coming back to let them know you are not good. Please remember that wellness is a journey and that it is fine to fall down and to not feel good, BUT it is important to reach out, to let those who are on your team know...that is what we are here for, to help and to get you through this time. BUT...if you don't because you think "I have had my session", "I already said I was feeling ok", "I can't go back and say I am not fine AGAIN"....well yes you can, that is the reason why they are there, they are support people not magicians....wellness takes time and takes support and there is no magic wand we wave for a one time fix...how awesome it would be if that were true.

    Please keep reaching out, collecting the tools you need to make you feel well and help you feel good, there will be bad days, there will be good days too though and that is the exciting part.

    Please also remember how far you have come, the hard work you are putting in, I am so proud of you, you have overcome some massive hurdles and you are so very brave.

    Hope to chat some more to you Forrest_123

    Hugs

    Sarah xx

  30. Forrest_123
    Forrest_123 avatar
    33 posts
    29 November 2021 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hey Sarah,

    I have no clue if you are still logging in regularly and if you will see this post at all but I wanted to give you an update. A LOT has happened this year. I’ve been taken to hospital twice. I’ve been to lots of Phychologists and psychiatrists, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety depression emetophobia and adhd all of which make a lot of sense. I have now been with CAMHS since my first hospital visit or for about 9 months. The second time in hospital was a bit more serious and an ambulance was called to take me there. Since then I haven’t had to do tests at school and most stuff has eased off. But now heading into year 11 next year I will have to do tests and exams but at least I should have adhd meds then so I can focus.
    I have one more week of school left thank god! Also I had another school camp this year which was a little better than the last.

    thanks Sarah for your support. I hope you have a good holiday season!

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