I am not going to tell you "we all fail sometimes", that "it is only one exam" or that "it is a chance to improve"....you do know all this already.
You worked hard, you put all your effort in, you felt good about it and you thought you did well. It is heartbreaking when we find that our efforts have not met the "expectations" or the "criteria"..it hurts, it is hard and it is very distressing. Especially if you already are having troubles with your feelings and your emotions and things are a bit tough to begin with.
I understand the feeling of wanting to be isolated, to not have to face any of it..to be left alone to be with the feeling of failure...however....it is fine to do for a short while, you are allowed to feel upset, to feel disappointed and to feel hurt...it is what we do next that matters.
You put all your effort into that essay and it didn't pay off...this time. So it is time to ask ourselves some questions:
* I failed once, should I never try again?
* I failed at something, does this make me a failure in life?
* Do I deserve to die because I failed?
If life went to plan everyday and things were just plain sailing we would learn nothing in life, we need to have challenges Forrest_123 to grow, to learn and to develop resilience. As hard as it is, as much as it hurts it is a part of our life. We have to learn to stand up and say "I am not that essay, I am not a failure, I did not meet the mark this time, I will try because I am worth the effort"
You are very much worth the effort, an essay does not define you, you are not the result of that essay.
It is hard to see your grades slip, I get that, but as grades get higher the work does get harder, expectations rise and just because we were an A grade student last year is no "expectation" we will be this year, or next year.
Trying, continuing to get up when we have been knocked down, these are the things that matter now.
You are not that essay Forrest_123....
Hugs to you