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Topic: Losing my identity

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. rotten banana
    rotten banana  avatar
    1 posts
    2 August 2020

    Henlo, first-year uni student here!

    This is my first ever post so any response would be appreciated :") . So, over the course of COVID-19, I've taken this period to become more self-aware and tidy up my thoughts as an attempt to be kinder to myself. Through reflecting, one big thing that changed dramatically over the year was my personality.

    From what I think, I was extraverted in my terms and was more confident and true to myself. But from one point in high school, I found myself constantly (mentally) beating myself up which over the years spiralled into occasional suicidal thoughts, crying myself to sleep and randomly bursting into tears. This is all a norm for me in the present. I've developed unhealthy mindsets at the back of my head which ONLY applied to me. Another issue is that (I don't know what triggers it) I constantly find myself thinking back to past mistakes which makes me feel even more ashamed and makes me burst into tears. The reason why this is all an issue is that I'm a very emotional person, my emotions seem to dictate my actions. However, despite knowing this, I don't know how to fix it and I really really really don't want to be down every time anymore. I don't have any friends that I can trust to talk about this. I absolutely cannot tell my family because they already have enough issues to face. I've considered therapy but I'm not financially stable to have regular sessions, and I don't know if this issue is 'serious' enough to go to therapy.

    I also hope that this thread can help anyone facing the same/ similar situation that I'm currently going through :"""""")

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3133 posts
    2 August 2020 in reply to rotten banana
    Hey rotten banana, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums! We're glad to have you join us here. We're sorry to hear how much you're struggling at the moment. It sounds like most days are a battle with constant negative thoughts and emotions. We're sorry to hear you don't feel comfortable to tell your friends and family but please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar feelings and understand. Hopefully, a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice.  We would recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 
    It sounds like you're in a tough situation and it might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. Thanks for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We hope that you find some comfort here in our community. 
  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    2678 posts
    3 August 2020 in reply to rotten banana

    Hi rotten banana,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for writing in and sharing what's going on with you. It sounds like things have been hard so I'm really glad you decided to reach out.

    I absolutely believe that your issues are 'serious' enough to go to therapy. Although to be honest I don't think issues have to be serious at all to try therapy. Sometimes people want to go to therapy for general stress or overwhelm. Given some of the things that you've been going through and feeling - especially the suicidal thoughts, I think it's well worth reaching out for help.

    As far as finances go, have you considered looking into your university? A lot of universities have free counsellors you can use - they can usually be found online or through contacting student support.

    You can also try getting a MHCP (Mental health care plan) and searching for a psychologist that bulk bills - this way you aren't out of pocket at all. Heres' some more info to help understand it - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/explaining-the-mhcp-(mental-health-care-plan)-that-we-all-keep-talking-about#qtz8HnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    Do reach out. I think it will be very worth it :)


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