Henlo, first-year uni student here!
This is my first ever post so any response would be appreciated :") . So, over the course of COVID-19, I've taken this period to become more self-aware and tidy up my thoughts as an attempt to be kinder to myself. Through reflecting, one big thing that changed dramatically over the year was my personality.
From what I think, I was extraverted in my terms and was more confident and true to myself. But from one point in high school, I found myself constantly (mentally) beating myself up which over the years spiralled into occasional suicidal thoughts, crying myself to sleep and randomly bursting into tears. This is all a norm for me in the present. I've developed unhealthy mindsets at the back of my head which ONLY applied to me. Another issue is that (I don't know what triggers it) I constantly find myself thinking back to past mistakes which makes me feel even more ashamed and makes me burst into tears. The reason why this is all an issue is that I'm a very emotional person, my emotions seem to dictate my actions. However, despite knowing this, I don't know how to fix it and I really really really don't want to be down every time anymore. I don't have any friends that I can trust to talk about this. I absolutely cannot tell my family because they already have enough issues to face. I've considered therapy but I'm not financially stable to have regular sessions, and I don't know if this issue is 'serious' enough to go to therapy.
I also hope that this thread can help anyone facing the same/ similar situation that I'm currently going through :"""""")