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Topic: My "ex" has moved on...

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Cupcake2500
    Cupcake2500 avatar
    0 posts
    29 December 2019

    I am an 18-year-old female.

    I met this guy who is also my age on a dating app a year ago. He was great. He said how he thought we would "last" and he told me he wanted to say hi to my parents when he picked me up from my place which he did. Everything about him was amazing.

    He ghosted me two weeks later and said "he wasn't ready" for a relationship. He would still talk to me afterward and led me on (never initiating to meet up, ignoring me e.t.c.). I ended up ghosting him but then when I failed my driver's test at the time, I started to speak to him. We ended up arguing as he thought I would post indirect things on Facebook about him. In all honesty, some posts were and some weren't.

    At this point, I was ready to move on. I ended up passing the test a month later, I ended up apologising to him for "closure" (so stupid) and just felt content to move on. However, on my friend's birthday, we went to this club and I bumped into him. This resulted in a hot and heavy makeout. He was drunk but said he "wanted to see me again". He almost had a fight with my friend's cousin because I ran off with him to another area of the club that night. My friend told him to never contact me again if he was only going to waste my time. He ghosted me after saying "when will I see you again?"

    All my efforts went down the drain. I find out a month later, the day after we saw each other. That he matched with my best friend on the dating app (she matched back out of curiosity) and he started talking to her. She didn't want to tell me when it happened because she didn't want me to be hurt. She told him we were friends and mentioned that he was not nice to me while dating and he replied, saying that I was "twisting" things.

    He followed me on Instagram a few months later yet we did not talk. I found out yesterday through his mate's facebook page that he just got into a relationship. I have broken down, because he was not ready for me. He also blocked me on Instagram, so I can't even see what his girlfriend looks like as it has not been revealed who he is with.

    I feel worthless, he consumed my happiness pretty much all year. He has made me questioned my sanity, my existence. He was different (and cooler) to what I used to know, all I did was crave him. I feel like nothing because of the way things have turned out.

    I need help.

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    1339 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Cupcake2500

    Dear Cupcake2500~

    Welcome to the Forum. A belated welcome. I regret you have had to wait so long for a reply and would like to reassure you it is nothing to do with you -or the subject of your post. Unfortunately sometimes the system does not work as we would like.

    Being ghosted is a horrible thing to happen. For you it means you never have any answers, that you like most of us will wonder what went wrong and if it was anything you said or did or looked. You are left in limbo with these corrosive thoughts about yourself eating away at you.

    This of course is made worse by the reminders you get on social media when you see the person engaging in a life without you. This makes the traditional answer which is not to have any reminders virtually impossible

    It is hard but one really has to step back and try to see it is not a reflection on you at all. It is all about the ghoster, who has been selfish and cruel , with no regard for anyone but self. A person who is a sad case realy, not being able to form good relationships but has to run away.

    Dating apps are not always that good, the match up peoples 'wants' and 'likes' and put people together. There is so much more to being with a person, but how do you measure kindness, consideration, fun, steadfastness? You can't. So you can end up with someone who superficially knows all the moves, but for whom the whole thing means nothing.

    If they appear attractive, and many do, that simply makes it worse and it is so hard to break away ,stop hoping things will improve and try to live normal social life again.

    I've no magic formula to stop your grief, however it is best trying to get out and have contact with others , if you have close understanding freinds or family, lean on them. If you have interests or pastimes at which you are good , or enjoy, then do them. This can lead to accomplishment, or simply a feeling you are worth rewarding. It's surprising how well this can work over time.

    You are welcome here anytime (and will no doubt be answered more quickly next time too:)

    Croix

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