i too have struggled with weight my whole life. I know what you are going through.
i made the decision to go to a doc and get help with my weight and tackle it to manage it. My life was filled with very big stressors: unhappy marriage, work etc and the weight was another problem to manage. It was a vicious cycle. I had tried every weight loss diet, exercise etc and I could not move the weight.
As females, we are expected to look a certain way and be a certain size as that’s what we’re conditioned to believe.
In August 2016 I decided to go for weight loss surgery and since I have lost 60kgs etc - I eat well, exercise etc but I will let you know - it’s not easy and is only a tool to assist with weight loss. If I can draw a parallel it’s like using mindfulness or an Antidepressant to help manage mental health.
I thought all ‘my problems’ would be fixed if I was thin. They did not get fixed overnight but the one good thing about what I did to help me, and this is only my opinion, is that the surgery allowed me to stop worrying about one less thing - my weight.
This is not a path for everyone and it’s a big commitment. I used to think that if I’m ‘thin enough’ then all my problems will disappear- they don’t. But, I’m in a healthy BMI range for the first time ever in my life, I exercise regularly, I eat well (the surgery i had you must otherwise you become very sick with nausea etc) and I can now have one less thing to worry about.
You will still be you, your personality and your wonderful spirit will still be there.
You are not defined by your weight.
I would encourage you to maybe speak to a doc and dietitian.
Take care - happygoluckymiss