Attraction has many forms, and often we are attracted to the very people who would be the worst partners for us. Relationships develop overtime and so can the attraction to someone’s physical appearance. I’m speaking from experience here as my ex was overweight, while I was fairly skinny. If you look at the couples on the street there are more than a few skinny/fat matches. When I met my ex I was unsure, as I had this notion of finding someone I could go on hikes with, but once we got talking, her genuine nature melted me and after a few dates her appearance really grew on me, things that seemed gross like skins tags, moles, fat rolls, became passionately hot. To me she will always remain absolutely beautiful in my mind.
Your own anxiety around weight may be manifesting itself in a destructive manner and pushing people away. Dating dynamics can be difficult, perhaps you need to be more forward in expressing your interest. Instead of waiting for the guy, perhaps you could make the next move? I was teetering on the edge of a follow up date with my ex and though I did eventually make that move, I would’ve been relieved if she had been the one to do so.
The stats would indicate you’re not alone, with a third of the population overweight and 1 in 4 being obese. While being ‘body positive’ is certainly a mature mindset, there can remain that feeling of missing out, that loss of functionality due to health or weight e.g: not going hiking or kayaking. My reckoning is we approach exercise and diet with the wrong mindset. I’ve ditched weight and performance goals. I no longer track how far or fast I walk/run, nor the reps or weight that I lift, nor do I weigh myself regularly. It’s about being educated in my food, it’s feeling the natural limits of my body. Perhaps it’s not what you’re eating, but the way your approaching it. There’s a great video on YouTube “The mathematics of weight loss | Ruben Meerman”, I found it very useful. One of my dad’s favourite sayings is “there were no fat people in Changi prison”. While this is a serve statement, and starving continuously is obviously not a healthy way to go, it does illustrate that it is humanly possible. If your enthused about it and happy then it’s going to be easier to cement the long term changes needed to make it a reality. Make it a health change and not a weight goal. Find some like minded people to exercise with, join a walking group, find a exercise class, dance like a diva.