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Topic: New school and no friends

11 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lizeyloo
    Lizeyloo avatar
    5 posts
    23 April 2021
    Hi everyone, I am a 16 years old girl in year 11. I am finding it very hard to cope at the moment. I started at a new school this year thinking everything was going to change and get better but it is quite the opposite. I was partnered with someone to look after me at my new school but they ditched so now I am finding it very hard to find friends or any group to sit with. Every now and then I’ll ask to sit with a particular group but I feel unwanted and a nuisance to them as their table is full and I’m struggling to socialise as I am consistently worrying all the time. Often I will spend lunch times in the bathroom or go to the library but this continues to affect my mental health negatively. I am often referred to as very shy and quiet but when hearing this it tends to pull down my self esteem even more. I have recently gone through a friendship breakup at my old school and now I have virtually no friends left. The friendship breakup has particularly affected me as it has taken a toll on how I perceive myself. I don’t like who I am and which I was someone confident who made friends easily.I find myself lying in bed crying having no passion for life or to get out because I don’t feel worthy to anyone. I have my mum but she doesn’t completely understand what I’m going through, she’ll say I’m overreacting and doesn’t take mental health as seriously as I wish. I tell myself I sound selfish to be complaining when I know how lucky I am but I can’t help but cry knowing things aren’t changing and no one understands just how much I am struggling. If anyone could share tips it would be much appreciated. Thank you.
    2 people found this helpful
  2. Summer Rose
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    Summer Rose avatar
    1478 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to Lizeyloo

    Hi Lizeyloo

    Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story.

    I am a mum and my daughter experienced similar events with friends during her teenage years-a friendship breakup and changing schools. I do understand the hurtful impact and I’m really sorry for your pain and loneliness.

    Settling into a new friendship group is challenging for everyone, so please don’t be too hard in yourself. It may take a bit of time but I believe it will happen for you.

    I’ve got a few suggestions that we tried for your consideration...

    • Go back and talk to the person who made the original pairing and tell them it wasn’t a successful match and ask for another.
    • If you are in a house, have a chat about needing support with your house captain or the teacher responsible. Volunteer to help with house activities and participate when you can.
    • Take a good look around the library next lunch time. Chances are there will be other girls there and consider if you could ask to join their study group. There will also likely be students there on their own who might really appreciate some company.
    • Think about your interests-sports, art, computers, music, drama-and see if there is a club or activity you could get involved in.

    My daughter was able to meet lots of kids through the school play and sports. Not all of them turned out to be friends but you only need one to get started.

    My last suggestion would be to take up an activity outside of school. This may help to expand your world outside the realm of school cliques. Think about your areas of interest or if you think you could manage a part time job.

    You’ve had a bad experience and you’re hurt but “you” are still there. You’ve got a lot to offer and I know there is another young girl out there just waiting to meet you.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  3. james1
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    james1 avatar
    2894 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to Lizeyloo

    Hello Lizeyloo,

    Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such a terrible time trying to make friends and don't feel worthy to anybody.

    It sounds like you really want to get out there and find some new friends, but you do not make friends easily and others aren't making it easy for you either.

    Summer Rose's suggestion to think about your interests and getting involved in that is a good one. Even if you don't make any good friends, it will at least mean you can still be involved in something. And hopefully, you can make a friend there.

    Still, the school environment can be really hard to make friends in, especially if you're new and everybody already has their own groups. It can be helpful sometimes to look outside of school, even if it's something you can do in-school. I know it doesn't directly help the time spent at school, but perhaps it can help you get through the day if you know you have something later that you're looking forward to.

    Making friends can be really tough because you have to put yourself out there and hope people like what they see. It can be easier, and certainly feel better, to find other things you're actually interested in and hope that people who like the same things will want to have a chat with you.

    In the meantime, does your new school have a counsellor? I don't know how much more help they can be than your mum, but perhaps they would have some ideas also with helping your social life?

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Lizeyloo
    Lizeyloo avatar
    5 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to Summer Rose
    Thank you so much Summer Rose. I don’t know if you know just how much this has helped me. I have already started looking into after school activities and have also joined the gym which will hopefully take my mind off things. Thank you for your valued advice, it helps to know that other people have gone through it like your daughter which I hope she has overcome. Hopefully I’ll be able to too very soon, again thank you.
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Lizeyloo
    Lizeyloo avatar
    5 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to james1
    Thank you James, I really appreciate your concern and outlook. I have started looking into after school activities and have already joined the gym which I hope will take my mind and off things. I have also had a session with a school counsellor (this was at the beginning) but I will take you up on that advice and perhaps visit them again. Your advice along with Summer Rose’s has really motivated me to keep trying. I know staying in the library and bathroom isn’t going to help me get any friends. I hope to put myself out there more and continue to make an effort to sit with different groups. Your an amazing person doing this, thank you James.
  6. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    11101 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to Lizeyloo

    lizelyloo

    I too welcome you to the forum and thank you for your feedback.

    Summer rose and james have given helpful suggestions and it sounds like things are imp[roving for you.

    I related to going to the library at lumch time or to bathroom if library was shut. It is many many decades when I was at high school but I remember the feeling of not belonging. I was depressed in year 11.

    I am glad you are finding things you like to do.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Summer Rose
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    Summer Rose avatar
    1478 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to Lizeyloo

    Hi Lizeyloo

    Thank you for your kind words. And, yes, my daughter did eventually find a great group of friends at her new school. Give yourself time, you will get there too.

    She also formed another group of friends doing volunteer work—bonus being it was good for her resume.

    Like you, she had to make an effort but it paid off. I’m confident the same will hold true for you. As I used to tell my girl, there is a lid for every pot.

    Gym is a great idea. The exercise will help improve your mood and it gets you moving and out of the house. You can take classes at many gyms, too. You know like zoomba or boxing—a great way to meet people.

    Post any time to let us know how you’re going.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Lizeyloo
    Lizeyloo avatar
    5 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to quirkywords
    Thank you quirky words. I’m sorry you too had to go through that but a positive aspect is that it helps to know other people have gone through this and I’m not alone. Thank you for the welcome and feedback, much appreciated.
  9. Lizeyloo
    Lizeyloo avatar
    5 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to Summer Rose
    Thank you again for your inspiring words. I especially like that ‘lid to every pot’, amazing outlook on life and friends! So happy to hear your daughter turned out happy and found her people. Thank you for your well wishes and best wishes to you Summer Rose :)
    2 people found this helpful
  10. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    11101 posts
    25 April 2021 in reply to Lizeyloo

    Lizeyloo

    i want to say how your posts are kind respectful and polite and you have really listened to what people have contributed.
    It can be hard when you are having trouble fitting but you are willing to try suggestions and that shows you are felxible and willing to get involved,vex in new activities.

    I think any group at school would be lucky ton have you in it.

    If you want let us know how you get on .

    By writing here you help others who read but don’t post so they now know that not only are they not alone that there are suggestions that may help.

    take care

    quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  11. james1
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    james1 avatar
    2894 posts
    27 April 2021 in reply to Lizeyloo

    Hello Lizeyloo,

    Thanks for the reply. I love your attitude and I hope you can also see that we all value you here, even if it seems tough at school. Take care for now, and I hope you enjoy going to the gym. I also signed up this week after languishing for a while in my own inactivity!

    James

    1 person found this helpful

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