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Topic: not keen to go (back?) to uni

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Buddy Pal Guy
    Buddy Pal Guy avatar
    14 posts
    12 February 2021

    i do not want to go back to uni because there will be people there and they will all know eachother and i will not know anyone and i will be too shy to talk to anyone, and even if i do talk to anyone i will not have anything interesting to say and will make everyone annoyed or uncomfortable

    my first year of uni was done online because of social distancing protocol (not a complaint - i'm just glad people are staying home and staying safe when possible). the thing is, i've only ever been on campus one time - this was for a single lecture, before we were sent home in 2020 and asked not to return until restrictions eased.

    you may have guessed that i am not a social butterfly. i have a group of friends that i liked spending time with. i find people easy to like, and i enjoy spending time with people. the problem is that i'm kind of awkward. i don't know how to hold a conversation with a stranger - unless i already know the person, i'm likely to kill the conversation accidentally because i assume i'm being annoying or simply don't have anything interesting to say.

    i'd love to make new friends at uni. i'm just nervous.

  2. cabbagebus
    cabbagebus avatar
    17 posts
    12 February 2021 in reply to Buddy Pal Guy
    Hi Buddy,

    I guess I'm in a similar boat to you. I'm starting my first year at a university where I don't know anyone and I find it difficult to make friends. I used to constantly have similar thoughts to you about not knowing what to say and worrying about annoying other people. I guess, one of the things that helped me with that was to focus on what other people are doing more. Sometimes I see people act in ways that I find annoying, but those kinds of people still have a lot of friends. Also, if you really pay attention to other people (for example in a group setting), most of the time they aren't saying anything particularly interesting for example assignments, or classes.

    I'm planning to join some clubs (or maybe volunteer somewhere) at Uni and just force myself to get involved some way. I guess if you have something else to focus on, it becomes a bit easier to make friends. I also think that if you make one friend it will become a lot easier to meet more people (friends of the friend).

    I'm still pretty shy, but I used to be a lot more shy and one of the ways I become more confident was I took every small opportunity to talk to someone and usually something that made me a bit uncomfortable. Without doing anything I found too overwhelming or scary, I slowly started to feel more confident (and I'm closer to doing those things which really scare me now). The thing is, you can never avoid meeting people who won't like you and everybody is awkward sometimes, but you can control how you respond to that and think "well, that was a bad interaction" and move on. It's not necessarily your fault either.

    Anyway, it's normal to feel nervous. Also, just because you feel nervous doesn't mean you can't do something. Something that has helped me with shyness is that I try to think of interacting with people as "work" or "practice". For example, I think "I'm just going to talk to this person for myself and for practice" and it puts less pressure on me in some ways, as well as, if it gives me motivation to push through the discomfort because I know I'm trying to improve. I see making friends as more of a bonus.

    Also, if you worry about people liking you, maybe it's better to ask "do I like this person?". Usually for me, I don't have a strong opinion either way and I imagine people feel that way about me. People in generally are pretty willing to help if you need it too.

    I hope this helped. Good luck this year. I'm sure everything will be fine!
    CB :)
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    13 February 2021 in reply to Buddy Pal Guy

    Hey Buddy Pal Guy, welcome.

    I don't know about Uni, but I just wanted to say good luck whatever happens, and it's ok to be anxious.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Buddy Pal Guy
    Buddy Pal Guy avatar
    14 posts
    17 February 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Thank you dinosaur person :)

    That's really comforting. I'm wishing you good luck too, in whatever you do!

  5. Buddy Pal Guy
    Buddy Pal Guy avatar
    14 posts
    17 February 2021 in reply to cabbagebus

    Hi CB,

    Thanks for your reply. I like your way of thinking about things.

    I agree: mostly when I think about other people I either like them a lot or don't really have much of an opinion about them. It's rare that I have a negative opinion about people because it really takes a lot to get on my nerves. And you're right - most people are probably the same way, and I guess that anyone who easily takes a negative stance on another person may not be the best to befriend anyways.

    I guess I should try to be less concious of myself - I always assume that everyone is watching me and thinking about how idiotic I look at all times when that's very unlikely to be the case. When someone else makes a mistake, I usually don't notice and if I do, it hardly changes my perception of them. It's probably the same for others.

    Maybe things will be ok.

    Anyways I'm really touched that you took the time to write a reply to me. It's really nice to know that other people feel this way too.

    Thanks. :)

    C.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    17 February 2021 in reply to Buddy Pal Guy
    Thank you Buddy Pal Guy. And you can call me Tayla, that's my name
  7. Buddy Pal Guy
    Buddy Pal Guy avatar
    14 posts
    17 February 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Thanks Tayla :)

    I'm Chloe. I had a pretty rough evening but your reply made me feel a little better :)

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    18 February 2021 in reply to Buddy Pal Guy
    You're welcome, and aw I'm glad I could help, that means a lot. I'm sorry you had a rough evening though
    1 person found this helpful

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