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Topic: Not sure if this counts as trauma?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lyssaa
    Lyssaa avatar
    5 posts
    7 September 2021

    Hi everyone!

    I recently have been thinking a lot about a brief relationship which I went through three years ago for about four months. In this relationship, I was dating a guy (we were both 14/15) and it was great for the first month and a half, but then him and one of my friends began getting really close. They said they were best friends, but they talked and texted and called a lot, and they used to joke in front of me about how everyone else thought that they were dating. He also facetimed her on one of our dates, had her as his lock screen wallpaper, and they kept saying "i love you" to each other as a joke. I never said anything about it to them because I was worried that I would be seen as crazy, and I was so insecure that I thought that he would get mad at me. One time when I did have a bit of an emotional outburst and got super freaked out and terrified and upset because he didnt text me back (thats how insecure I was), he gave me the silent treatment for nearly a week and then broke up with me. I also recall at one point in our relationship he made a joke about my acne, which went on to become a very major insecurity of mine and caused me severe emotional distress.

    Afterwards my friend and him stayed super close, everyone always told me that he probably left me for her (even though they never did end up together). It turns out that she was talking shit about me the whole time we were friends, she would constantly bring him up around me after we broke up, told me she was busy but would be with him, and was making up lies about me. After I cut her off, for the next few months those two would keep talking about me.

    I feel like I shouldn't still be thinking about all of this three years later, but it keeps reappearing in my memory to bother me. And someone very close to me recently said that it sounds like emotional abuse on his behalf towards me. I feel like I'm being crazy and overreacting, but the other part of me thinks that maybe this all affected me more than I thought and I could be suffering some kind of emotional trauma. Others have told me that it sounds like it was traumatic and I haven't been able to process it, and I also feel like I may have forgotten a lot of the experience. What do you guys think? Does this sound like some kind of trauma, or am I just overreacting (which could also be due to being made to feel like I was overreacting by both of them?)

    Thanks everyone- hope ur all doing well <3

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    15102 posts
    8 September 2021 in reply to Lyssaa

    Hello Lyssaa, and a warm welcome to the site.

    I don't believe you are over-reacting at all and whether you want to call this a traumatic event or whether it's PTSD is for a doctor to determine, but this doesn't stop you from believing either.

    PTSD is triggered by a terrifying event that was traumatic such as what you have told us and I'm sure it must have been very unpleasant and this certainly must have been awful, I'm so sorry.

    You can't let this subside you need help to give you the strength you need, and you can do this a couple of ways, by visiting your doctor but perhaps you may find contacting Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or online, these are trained counsellors and the people you speak to are those who can relate to what each age group, (under 25 years), are actually talking about.

    Please don't let these 2 people affect your life, you have so much to be able to overcome this but only help can do this.

    Please get back to us when you are able to, we want to make sure you're OK.

    take care.

    Geoff.

  3. sbella02
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    sbella02 avatar
    38 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to Lyssaa

    Lyssaa,

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Honestly, the same situation can mean different things to different people. Trauma is subjective, the way we react to things is also subjective. For example, I'm terrified of spiders. If there was a tarantula wandering around in the supermarket (hypothetically), my reaction would be very different to somebody who, for instance, studies arachnids for a living.

    I can see that this situation has affected you greatly. I used to hear it so often, that romantic relationships in your teenage years "don't count" or they "aren't important" because of your age/maturity but that's really not true at all. These experiences and the feelings that come from them can follow you for years afterwards. You're not overreacting at all, your feelings are perfectly valid. This friend who was talking badly about you to your ex also sounds toxic, I would consider removing her as a friend or at the very least, distancing yourself from her.

    Maybe talking to a therapist or psychologist would help, just somebody to help you come to terms with your experience and pinpoint what moment or thought it was that has stayed with you for three years. It can be very therapeutic to get it all off your chest and have a non-biased third party listen to what you've got to say.

    Also, acne's totally fine and very normal. We've all had it at some point. If it makes you feel any better, Kendall Jenner is one of the most renowned supermodels in the world, and she's struggled with recurrent acne through most of her career. It doesn't make her any less attractive, or any less of a model. It happens, it's natural, and it shouldn't be something to feel insecure about at all.

    I hope you're doing well, and please let us know if you have anything else to say! We're here for you.

    Kind regards, SB

  4. Lyssaa
    Lyssaa avatar
    5 posts
    11 September 2021 in reply to sbella02

    Hi, thanks for the response!

    I cut that friend off a while ago- I made it clear to her I wasn't interested in being friends anymore two and a half years ago, however I still had to deal with looks from them during class as the two of them were both in my class. Luckily she has since moved school and I have not had to see her since.

    I agree with you that this has definitely affected me greatly and I want to thank you for affirming that my feelings are valid. Once I finish year 12 in a few months I'm going to go speak to someone about it- and I will update you do when I do so :)

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