Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for reaching out. I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling low in energy recently, and how you find yourself trapped in this cycle of over-thinking, dealing with insomnia, and then feeling unrefreshed the following day. I can definitely see how a lack of sleep has been impacting your productivity and even mood.
I'm really glad that you still have the desire and drive to achieve your career goals, and haven't let any setbacks take the drive away from you. That's really admirable and shows you know what you want and won't let minor setbacks take that away from you. It also seems like the lack of activities keeping you preoccupied during this pandemic has made you feel like you are underachieving (especially since it was your gap year), and also made you feel like your parents think you're not achieving much? I just want to add that heaps of my friends took a gap year this year thinking they were going to travel and engage in various co-curricular activities. However, if we can take anything away from this pandemic it really is that everything is unpredictable. Hence, it's important we just enjoy the journey and the process and not overthink about the destination too much. However, obviously that's much easier said than done. I know I always had this tendency overthink my future, my career, and even until this day I still have this tendency, albeit not as much. For me personally, I think the older I got I just really came to the realisation that it's not my job to make my parents happy with the grades, degrees, and careers they want me to have. Do I want to make them proud? of course I do. But should everything you do be aimed at making them happy? not necessarily. Sometimes, and a lot of times, it should be about what makes you happy. And I know for a fact that if you are not truly happy your parents can't ever truly be happy either.
I can see how mentioning this to your parents might feel really hard and even uncomfortable. I know I personally always struggled being more vocal to my parents, and had a tendency to internalise all my thoughts. Do you think you can talk about this to your twin sister, and potentially she might be able to discreetly relay it some messages to your parents?
Please remember you are not alone Marzi19. This community is here to listen and support you.
Please also feel free to give an update and reach out whenever you feel up to it!
Wishing you the very best ~