Thank you for clarifying, I really appreciate it and can resonate with majority of your points (especially since I'm an Introvert, and my MBTI test result helped me understand my general nature a bit more). Especially about, feeling like I have to really force conversations, and becoming a lot quieter around extroverted people, and more outgoing when there are less extroverted people around me.
Silence in a social setting is a really awkward thing to me, and I learned that it's because my mind goes into over-drive to feel what others are feeling, trying to catch out whether they are judging my quiet nature, and I should force a conversation to steer their attention away from me. Though, after understanding my general nature a bit more thru the MBTI test, I'm starting to get used to silence in a social setting; learning that it's okay to embrace the silence, and that others are probably too busy thinking about far more important matters, and judging me would be the lowest in their priority. If they do judge me, they are entitled to their thoughts, and I am who I am. The key was to be comfortable with myself. I can also agree with the "have not found my people", a social group that you're comfortable being in, it could be worth exploring groups that share common interests with you to see if you can make a connection with them.
Emotional connection will require openness and comfortable of being vulnerable in front of people; comfortable expressing your feelings and emotions, and understanding that this may involve hurting others, as well as getting hurt. It is in this process that, we can filter out the friends and people who can really make a connection with you, because you're both comfortable being open and vulnerable with each other.
When you mention that you're a lot quieter around extroverted people, do you feel it might be because, you prefer someone else to steer and drive the conversation, while you conserve your energy? You appreciate deep meaningful conversation more than small talks?
Happy to listen to you more :)