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Topic: School related stress

  1. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Don't worry about how you sound :) I understand you're feeling stuff at the moment. It would be worthwhile talking to anyone who will listen and be honest and try to help you problem solve. If that's your mum, great. If that's a counselor, guidance officer, psychologist, that's good too. Is your mum someone you feel you can talk to about your subjects, your study load, and figuring out a way to study in a reasonably comfortable environment?

    How long is it now since you last slept?

  2. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    Apologies for squeezing so much stuff into each message, in a face to face interaction you wouldn't have so much in each exchange, but there's such a big time lag in between each reply that it would take a long time if I didn't.
  3. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    i jyust didint sleep at nigh, but i sleept for basiclly the whole day. so t was ok to to stay up all night.
  4. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    i think i am going to sleep in a few minutes and wake up at night to do homework or something maybe.

    if u have a rotuine i u think i should follow then u can tell me, maybe i will flow that rotuine or some of it.

  5. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Dejena

    You won’t be able to sleep during the day because you have school, right? Again I can’t give any health recommendations, but the state government recommends 8-10 hours for teenagers. We are biologically evolved to sleep at nighttime, where it’s generally quiet and dark.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    20 April 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    i have already slept for like 5 hours. good enough.

    can we talk about a rotiune that might work for me?

    i live in VIC

  7. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    20 April 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Okay. So I guess look at what you’ve got on during the day. You have school at what 9am roughly?

    What time do you have to start to do all the things one does in the morning (eg. eat breakfast, get dressed, make lunch, pack your bag).

    And it finishes at 3pm right? Do you have a part time job or anything after school on the weekends?

    The chores you mentioned, are they something you have to do, or are they optional? If you must do them, when do you do them, and how long does it take, approximately? In an ideal world, what time would you go to sleep?

  8. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    20 April 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    And what is your routine at the moment, if you follow one?
  9. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    4890 posts
    20 April 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Hi Dejena,

    It sounds like you are having a really yough time with your study at the moment and we are so sorry to hear that. School can be really challenging especially when you have homework and home life to deal with as well. We think it is really encouraging that you have come to the forums for support, it is an amazingly brave step to take.

    We think it could be useful for you to chat to Kids Helpline as well. They are wonderul at supporting young people and are experts at all things school and family. You can call them on 1800 55 1800 or you can chat online https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

    Of course you can also call BeyondBlue on 1300 22 4636 anyime :)

    Thank you Dejena for being a part of this community and we hope you can find support across the youth threads on the forum.

    Kind regards,

    Sophie M

  10. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    21 April 2021 in reply to Dejena

    You had a post that disappeared? It seems like you didn’t want to talk any further but I can’t see that post. I know it all probably seems scary and impossible at the moment. Like Sophie has said above, it can be very challenging and difficult to juggle everything.

    The best thing to do is find people to talk through things with and like I said, get an honest opinion - some people will just say nice things, which is a lovely thing don’t get me wrong, but it is helpful to be methodical and look at things properly.

    Best of luck if I don’t hear from you again. Anyway if you want to talk again just reply to this post Dejena - the probably that I would ever be able to notice otherwise is infinitesimal. I’d be more than happy to try and problem solve with you, and there’s much more stuff we could look at.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    Thank u so much, but I don't feel like I should feel this way because some have it worse. I do know though it's ok to feel what I am feeling.

    I haven't been going to school for a few days now. I just sit in my bed and go on my phone. I have no life

  12. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to Dejena
    I've been wondering how you have been going. Sorry to hear it's still very stressful for you. Sounds like your anxiety has become so overwhelming that you have become depressed. Your body and mind have said "it's just too much pressure".
  13. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    I went out to the supermarket by myself to have some time alone. To escape from my family a little. I don't know if am overreacting. Idk what to anymore. 
  14. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to Dejena

    I think if someone is distressed, then it’s almost relevant whether they’re overreacting... I say “almost” because it’s not impossible: some people do really overreact. But from everything you’ve told me it doesn’t sound like you are. To be honest I’m having almost the exact same problem in my life at the moment.

    I have been going to the coffee shop in my town to just do some reading and writing because it’s just so full on at home; and I’m definitely struggling with the noise and distraction from my kids and the new puppy we’ve got, and just finding the time when the house isn’t full of commotion is so difficult it’s actually getting kind of depressing.

    Yet I’m feeling a little like you have described: “what right do I have to complain?”, I’ve got a stable job, my wife is the same, been getting good grades, two beautiful kids, not living in poverty, and yet it’s all too much sometimes - quite often.

    There’s always people better off and worse off than us, but everybody in this world gets distressed, so you’ve gotta treat yourself like something that’s intrinsically valuable and deserving of kindness. Self love is the sorta cringe worthy term that’s thrown around but it’s true what Clinical Psychologist Jordan Peterson says: we often treat our animals better than we treat ourselves....

    I think it’s a great thing to go to the supermarket for some time to yourself. How was your time there and what did you do?

  15. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    Hope you do not feel too depressed. I'm sorry that u feel overwhelmed by the chaos in the house. I did not spend too much time at the supermarket. But it was better than nothing.

    I got out of the house at night to walk because I was sick of the chaos inside the house. My mum was complaining. Yelling at me. Mad at my siblings espically one of my brother. My parents don't let me go out, especially at night because I might get kidnapped. Not safe they say. So it was a big deal to them. So, my dad came after me and ended up walking with me.

  16. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    9 May 2021
    In the supermarket, I bought a few things. Right now I am pulling my hair on my head. Idk Why
  17. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    9 May 2021 in reply to Dejena
    That’s no good :( so it wasn’t really some time to yourself then hey. You sound very stressed right now. Are you pulling the hair out? Or just pulling on it?
  18. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    9 May 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Our problems at the moment are similar. At your house it is your parents and siblings being so loud that it’s too chaotic and you can’t think or get anything done. And at mine I am tasked with looking after the kids quite a lot - they are 3 and 6 years old so I basically can’t go for more than 5 minutes at a time until one of them is making the other cry or scream, or they’re getting into things that they shouldn’t... They’re very loud and attention isn’t something I can maintain when there’s noise that requires me to do something. That’s why I can sit in a rowdy cafe and be at peace, but a comparatively less noisy situation at home saps my energy. ..

    Is my concept and description of your situation any good, or is there more to it?

  19. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    9 May 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    No,I'm actually pulling it out. It's fun. Do u sometimes regret having kids? I honestly never want to get married or have kids because I don't understand why I would do that.

    Do u feel like you are about to go out of control when they yell?

  20. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    9 May 2021 in reply to Dejena

    I often think back to a time when life was easier without them. But I never regret them as such, nor would want to change having them. They’re the only thing that truly I know means anything in this world....

    It depends what you mean by go out of control - it does completely derails my attention... this is partly because little kids especially, want everything their way, so it’s not usually long before one of their goals conflicts with the others... I Think that the derailing of my attention is what is so stressful to me, because I like to achieve things, and they make it difficult... Life seems so full with no room to move atm....

    Is pulling out your hair a recent thing since we talked a while ago? Does it hurt?

  21. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    9 May 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    It's not a new thing. I think I started in 2018. I don't do it for that long and It doesn't hurt.
  22. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    23 May 2021 in reply to Dejena
    How have the last two weeks been?
    1 person found this helpful
  23. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    29 May 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    They have been the same. When I hear a noise I don't like,I start to cry.
  24. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    8 June 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Sorry I haven’t replied. Managing work/study/kids has been difficult.

    Have you thought about clinical psychologist? Might be really good to have one on one conversation with someone who specialises in severe anxiety.

    also how have you been going with school and subjects/assessment, has your sleep been the same?

    Im wondering at what time the noise generally stops in your house in the evening, and when it starts in the morning?

  25. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    10 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    I don't know what's wrong with me, but I don't seem to care. This week I have most of my exams, but im not going to them. I can't continue to escape from school.

    The noise is in the morning, after 2 PM-5 PM. Noise at 8PM. Idk. I feel so stupid

  26. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    10 June 2021 in reply to Dejena

    You are just a young person who is struggling with a lot of things at the moment and you’re not stupid. It seems like you are experiencing quite severe distress, which happens to many people at times.

    Apologies if we have already discussed this, but if this is appropriate to bring up with your parents, I would really consider speaking to your GP about options to manage your distress, and maybe you could get some sessions with a clinical psychologist who can help with some of the distressing thought patterns you seem to be having.

    I wonder if you could imagine not having any school work and assessments to ever worry about; how would that make you feel, and what kinds of things would be distressing to you if you had a magic wand to make school and assessments disappear?

  27. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    11 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    imagine not having any school work and assessments to ever worry about would make me feel happy and not overwhelmed. I don't know what kinds of things would be distressing to me, but there will always be something if I had a magic wand to make school and assessments disappear. everyone has problems.

    I can't manage to get the words out of my mouth. I can't ask, "can I see a therapist?"

  28. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    11 June 2021 in reply to Dejena
    Just wondering if school was your biggest trigger. It seems like it could be. I found school work super distressing when I was there and found it impossible to concentrate. I wonder if with you it’s a combination of that and holding yourself to an unnecessarily high standard. You’re right there will always be things that distress us- it’s part of being human. But acute distress exists (in addition to other reasons) because deep inside of us we have the belief that something is wrong/bad/threatening...


    Tell me about why schoolwork is so important to you (I’m not saying it isn’t), I just want to see if you can articulate it, and what you’re deepest values are in relation to school assessment..


    If you’re too scared/uncomfortable with asking your parents if you can get help, then maybe we could work on writing a text that you could send to whichever parent you feel most comfortable raising this issue with? Is that something you’d like to do?


  29. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    50 posts
    14 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    Yes,I think writing to my mum.

    school s so important because i need to go to university and then get a good job, if I don't finish school that is embarrassing. Even if I don't go to uni straight away, it would be difficult to get hired if u didn't finish school.

    If I don't finish school then I'm worthless. Right now because I have given up, missed exams, behind on school, not going to school, not doing homework I am scared what is going to happen. I am unable to stop behaving this way and go to school because I'm scared to go.


    I am ignoring my friends message because I don't want to tell her I haven't done the exams. I feel ashamed. I don't want to see my friends anymore or talk to them.

    I haven't been out of the house for 2 weeks. I don't want to get out of the house.

    I feel bad for my parents. They are so kind and understanding, but I'm the worst.

    My sleeping schedule is a mess I guess. I sleep at 5-8 am and wake up at 3 pm.

    I am a mess. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away. Not doing anything, but going on my phone all day.

    The only productive thing I probably do is wash dishes, but that's it basically.

    Looks like I wrote too much 🤣

  30. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    149 posts
    15 June 2021 in reply to Dejena

    This has blown out to 2 messages 😜

    There’s a lot going through your mind right now, a lot of issues to work through; I can tell by the way you’re harshly self-critical, have withdrawn from school and from contact with your friend.

    A lot of the way you are thinking reminds me of myself. The self criticism - if I don’t do this then I’m worthless, wasting my time, etc.
    The thing is, there is truth to some of what you’re saying - but you’ve become so anxious probably due to missed assessments and study that now you can’t think of anything but the worst.

    It is good to finish school, and do your assessments, and go to uni, in most cases. But I wonder if you could think of another angle. Imagine you are a mother, and your daughter is so anxious that she doesn’t want to get out of bed. How would that make you feel. Imagine it really deeply... until you can really perceive that girl. Spend some time deeply contemplating that.

    The point isn’t to make you feel bad for your mother - that’s her job to care for you. The point is to make you see that the girl is being treated quite harshly - by herself. Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson has a book 12 rules for Life an Antidote to Chaos - it’s a sort of self help/development book. It might be good to buy the book , I even think there is an audiobook you can listen to on the headphones on your phone.
    one of his rules is basically: treat yourself as you would someone you take care of. His main point is that we sometimes treat our animals with more dignity than ourselves.
    to come back to you: you seem like an intelligent young woman who is so anxious and so worried that she can’t concentrate. What you need is compassion. It sounds like you have it from your parents, that is wonderful.

    another thing is that it seems to me like you think that it is too late ... for anything... I get that. Particularly with schoolwork.... I still feel like that often with my university study..
    but it’s not... you may get a lesser Mark. But a lesser Mark is better than dropping out. And an even lesser mark is better than dropping out.

    i know the pain and worry you must feel. Speaking as a parent myself, it’s a parents job to do everything they can for their child. Please use them, it seems like they want to help...
    You mentioned the words don’t want to come out, and you liked the idea of a letter. That is good. Have you given thought to what you might want to write?

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