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by Scapegoated
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Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers)

Space for sharing tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing with other carers.

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Space for discussion of generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety, phobias, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, and eating disorders.

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Grief and loss

Support following the bereavement of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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by Sommer
2 days and 11 hours ago

Topic: School related stress

  1. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    15 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    I have some ideas of you'd like? Run out of words - I have definitely written too much!! Haha. Pls don’t worry about writing too much :)

    I don’t mind if you want to mention that I’ve given you ideas in the letter, if you think that would be appropriate and help things go more smoothly and wouldn’t lead to any conflict with your parents.
    So the way I see it, most people go to their GP to get a referral to a clinical
    psychologist. Sometimes a GP will also prescribe medication to make you feel a little less on edge and maybe control your mood. This your choice though!

    So I think you could tell them that you have been experiencing very distressing levels of anxiety, possibly some depression thrown in there now too- and that the distress is so bad that you can’t concentrate on school and you’re afraid you’ll fail. I assume they know that you’ve missed exams???

    if this is the case, then could they have a confidential chat to the teacher/s about your circumstances and whether you could be given another go at assessment or a make up assessment or something else (leave that to your parents and teacher to figure out).

    Now this next point don’t worry about till later, but I know you seem to be always worrying about the future so you’ll probably think about it anyway so I’ll just put it here anyway. Maybe they could figure out some kind of space and time for you to - after things have settled down - study in peace eg stay at a room after school, or the library that you said they give you an annoyed look picking you up from, but with a discussion between you both that it’s okay and that you deserve it.
    I hope some of these messages are of use to you. Just know that all is not lost, and that the only thing to think about atm is catching up on lost ground, and that you are a person who is not worthless, is worth a lot, and that people are here to support you.

    Let me know your thoughts Dejena, when you’re comfortable enough to.
    Take care.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    15 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    Just to let you know, this last message I wrote spun out to 2 posts - one is at the end of page 2 and the second went to the top of this new page
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5196 posts
    17 June 2021 in reply to Dejena
    Hi Dejena, This is the moderation team from the Beyond Blue forums. We have just read your thread and are concerned about your wellbeing. We hope you don’t mind us getting in touch with you here. Battling with suicidal thoughts can be painful and isolating and we strongly encourage you to reach out to our counsellors. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEDT on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.  Our friends at Lifeline are also available anytime on 13 11 14 or you can visit https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat for online chat.  Suicide Call Back Service are also available 24/7 on 1300 659 467 or you can visit their website for online chat: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/  We understand this is such a difficult time for you, and we think you are so brave for reaching out here. Please know that you don't have to go through this on your own, and we would really like to speak to you over the phone to talk through some support options Warmest Regards, Mod Support.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    64 posts
    23 June 2021
    I have failed unit 1 English. I will be failing unit 1 art, bio, and chem too
  5. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to Dejena

    I’m sorry to hear that my dear..

    Where are you at regarding writing a letter to your mum? From what we’ve discussed it really sounds like you need some help. This is perfectly okay. I had to when I first started university as I couldn’t handle by myself and friends and family couldn’t help either.

    Please give it a serious thought. I’ll even help you write it if you would like- you can even mention me if you want (or not- this space is for you to help cope with life).

    Thinking of you.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    Still thinking of you, please come back and talk anytime if you want to, always here to help.
  7. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    64 posts
    30 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    Hi, thank you for thinking about me.

    I am getting better.

    I have this issue where I don't want to do homework at home, I only like doing it at the library. So I have been going to the library, however feel bad for making my mum drop me off and pick me up.

    do u think I have low confidence. I always doubt myself and talk negatively. I am not sure.

  8. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    30 June 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Maybe you have low confidence. A lot of people do, and this world seems to encourage people to expect too much from themselves. From some of the stuff you have said I sense that you worry a lot about your studies and the future in general, and attach all these conditions to your worth as a human.

    I’m glad you are getting better. Have you been talking to your mum about how you’ve been feeling?

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    64 posts
    30 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    I'm better, so I don't really need to talk to my mum.

    I had a good day today. I went to the library and my friend's house too.

  10. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Okay, that’s good that you had a good day. Allow yourself to go to the library when you need to, even if it’s an inconvenience to your parents - you have a right to study and you are a human that deserves that...

    What are your plans/thinking around the subjects? Have you discussed your grades with anyone??

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    64 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    I told my one of my friend that I failed English on messenger, and she didn't seem to care. Kind of hurts
  12. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    64 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    Thank u for replying
  13. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Dejena

    You are welcome 🙂 I saw your other post, but didn’t reply because I thought you might want other people to talk instead - did anyone? I can’t find it now.

    That must hurt that your friend didn’t care. I’m sorry. I care. How are you feeling about it all?

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Dejena
    Dejena avatar
    64 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    I feel lost. I don't know what im doing because I keep saying I will go and study, but I don't. I am full of lies.
  15. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5196 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Dejena
    Hi Dejena, 

    We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. We can see there is a heap of community support here for you and we don't want to get in the way of that but want to suggest a few things that might behelpful. 

    We think that a call to the Beyond Blue phoneline or Kids Helpline would be a great thing to do today if you can. Or, checking out the webchats would be great too - we have got all the details below. 

    We also wanted to jump in and say how impressed we are that you are seeking out support, this is such a great skill to have and thank you for showing so much courage. We hope you can start to feel better soon :)

    Beyond Blue 
    1300 22 4636
    LifeLine 13 11 14
    Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

    Kids Helpline 

    Thanks again Dejena, and please feel free to drop back in and let us know how it all goes. 

    Kind regards, 
    Sophie M
  16. UltimaMic
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    UltimaMic avatar
    24 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Dejena

    Hi Dejena,

    I have been a student and am currently a student - from my personal experience I can say if you have a mental health condition it can be very hard to focus on study. Its hard enough for those who do not have any mental health concerns!

    I think we need to identify where this lack of motivation is coming from - you described some situational factors where you feel comfortable studying - the library instead of home? I sounds like home is not condusive to your focus? The forum community might be able to offer more specific advise if they know whether its because of interpersonal relationships with family members at home or if it is more to do with distractions like computers, tv and social media?

    When it comes to mental health issues like anxiety it is good to get a professional opinion on whether this is impacting your study. Services like Headspace 18-25year specific mental health providers are in many places and are tailored to helping those in that age bracket in dealing with life and mental health challenges. I know I would have loved to use them to help me but they were not around in my time.

    If you feel uncomfortable about talking to your Mum about issues you have its good you have felt comfortable to share you concerns here - but also I hope a friend might lend an ear. Also I am wondering if your school/uni has a wellbeing clinic - these are also places that have many resources to help students with challenges.

    Anyways I hope you keep well :-)

  17. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    233 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Dejena

    You are experiencing a lot of distress Dejena. I can tell by the way you seem to be flipping back and forth between things. You might have wanted to tell your mum and then you didn’t, you were alright then not then alright again then not again... I hope it is clear that I say this lovingly, and that I know what it’s like to feel okay then awful and like I hate myself, over and over on a loop.

    when it got intense for me was mid high school, off and on constantly for the last 15 years.... Schoolwork was my earliest bad trigger and continuing study continues to be my biggest now... but I have managed to deal with it somehow with lots of deep conversation between close confidants and psychologists..

    I’d never want to tell you or anyone else what you “must” do, but I feel obliged to offer my perception that this has been really tough on you continuously and i urge you to get help - with your anxiety, with your studies, with whatever life guidance will help you to live a life you enjoy.

    I know people (myself included) have been throwing heaps of suggestions at you.... Many of these are good... I understand that trying to help someone too much when they’re anxious is overwhelming, but if there’s ever a suggestion from people here, or even in your personal life that you feel you could take up, I wish for you to be granted the courage to do so...

    Instead of telling more stuff, I guess I could ask, Is there anything I could do to help you?

  18. david'n'goliath
    david'n'goliath avatar
    775 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Dejena

    G'day Dejena,

    Great job posting up your situations here on beyondblue, more heads is better than one.

    I had to repeat year 10 because I didn't study the first time around. After that I aced year 10, then year 11. Then didn't do enough study for year 12 and had to repeat that too! All to aim to getting in Uni and I did get into uni after 14 years study primary/secondary.

    Didn't end there either, I dropped out of Science degree in second year, for a Maths degree which I dropped out of in third year. Worked for 5 years and came to dislike that too. Took yet another crack at Uni for Computer Science, and failed yet again! Like seriously!

    Took me from 1991 to 2019 to achieve one actual degree, like as an academic outcome, a few Tafe Certificates along the way. Life went on in other areas, but academically I reckon I was way way way down. Fought my way through a Bachelor of Educational Studies, but covid arrived and no ceremony, just was posted a piece of shiny signed paper.

    Ah well. Got there in the end hey.

    Great idea with your headphones are they noise cancelling ones? cause those noise cancelling ones work really well, much better than just normal headphones. For the extremely quiet option go for a closed back circumaural noise cancelling headphone, make sure it's comfortable to wear for hours. However I used Bose QC20 noise cancelling earplugs which worked well. I've been told that Bose do even better ones too, but up there in price. Sennheiser also have a good reputation.

    Can your parents afford something like those, or similar, to help your head space for study?

    I'm a technology guy, so shiny new "toys" makes me feel better, and that might work for you too.

    One thing I have learned is that it is possible to turn year 12 around with dedicated quality effort after the midyear failures.

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