It's just a little past midnight at the time of writing this.
My depression is reaching an all time high and I feel so hopeless that I just.. don't know what I can do anymore. I've been looking for a job for 2 years, ever since the end of 2019, and I've gotten maybe 10 interviews since - no matter who I go to for help, professionals or otherwise, their advice never works.
I've taken courses that were supposed to help, but EVERYONE these days has the same skills, and I hate this waiting game where sometimes I don't even get a response unless it's an email 2 months later saying the position was filled. I apply for what feels like 1000s of jobs a week (probably more in the 50s), and the rare responses I do get that are even remotely positive always fall through.
I get such horrible anxiety talking on the phone or being on zoom, and I can't tell anybody about it because it's always met with "EVERYONE HAS ANXIETY", or "Everyone suffers like you! suck it up!" I'm so tired. So tired of looking for work and begging for scraps that I don't even get. My anxiety ties me down, my depression drags me under, and I don't know what to do anymore. The only times I feel calm are when I'm out on a walk, or alone in my room. I'm exhausted by people being around me, exhausted from the anxiety I constantly have when they're around.
How do I stop feeling like this? And be more... more. Successful, less anxious? I don't know what I'm looking for, but if y'all have advice, please. Please let me hear it. (Or read it, I spose)