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Topic: Stressed and guilty - not working properly

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Anon285
    Anon285 avatar
    8 posts
    28 January 2021

    Hi there,

    I’m overwhelmed with my job (admin), likely because of lack of sleep, stress from the workload, and overwhelmed with the critical thinking required for my tasks.

    I know it’s normal to be tired at work but I’m feeling this crushing pressure to get it all right and to continue on regardless of how tired/stressed about it I’m feeling, and I’m working from home. My parents told me to keep going and I agree with them - I cry at my desk - it’s not depression because I know what that’s like and it’s definitely not that, I think it’s tiredness. I’m saying in my head all the time ‘You should care about your job and you’re really lucky to have this job’ and ‘You’re pathetic, toughen up and keep at it’ because to be frank, it’s partially laziness, and I don’t have the mental muscles to keep at it, I don’t like the feeling of working just like many others do, but I’m less tolerant or something, probably because I’ve spent a long period of time in the past not working/studying because of actual depression and anxiety (which is SO much better now thankfully). I kind of beat myself up about not being adjusted to working so much, and not putting up with my stress and muscling it out.

    We have meetings every week and I sweat because they’re going to find out I’m not working enough (if they haven’t already). Yet I continue to underperform.

    I think about changing jobs often, but that wouldn’t be a good move, because this is a good job for a good cause and I’m better suited to this job than other ones skill-wise. I know that changing jobs likely isn’t the best solution because it’s running away from the current problems rather than fixing them.

    Thank you for reading this, if anyone knows what is a good thing to do in this situation, I really appreciate your comment. Thanks

  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    11555 posts
    1 February 2021 in reply to Anon285

    Anon285

    Thanks for charing your stpry so clearly and honestly.

    I can seen how frustrated and how tired you are.

    Have these negative feelings and tiredness only started or increased since working from home.

    Is there someone you may be able to confide in at work as I feel there will be others who will be finding work at home or any work hard in these uncertain times.

    I dont think you are lazy as you really want this job . Do you think if you asked for some help with what you find hard would that help you.

    I always wanted to be a teacher but when I did casual teaching, a different class each day, I was so stressed I would cry in the bathroom at recess and lunch on bad days.

  3. cabbagebus
    cabbagebus avatar
    17 posts
    12 February 2021 in reply to Anon285

    Hi Anon,

    Is it possible you have burnout? When I had it from studying I would always think I was being lazy, but really it wasn't that at all. I would feel SO much pressure to study and whenever I opened a textbook I would start instantly crying and I couldn't bring myself to write a single word down. Even though I wasn't studying that much it never got better because I couldn't stop thinking about it, feeling guilty and trying to force myself to do it. Even if it isn't burnout, I don't think the problem will be fixed by working more or "muscling it out". I thought it was depression or something too. Anyway, I'm sorry you feel so pressured and stressed.

    Maybe it would be better to take a break somehow and come back to everything with fresh eyes. When you finish work do you still think about it a lot?

    The other thing: would it be the end of the world if you were fired? Is the fear of you getting fired or confronted for not working hard enough greater than the actual possibility of that happening, or happening in the way you expect it to? Could you look at getting fired or quitting as an opportunity to find something different which you enjoy more? Though, to be honest, I'm not convinced the job in itself is the problem (I could be wrong). Maybe if you really did receive some form of criticism for underperforming you would see nothing that bad happened. That's how it was for me with getting bad grades. Life went on and I got into the Uni I wanted to get into anyway.

    I'm no expert and I may be wrong, but I have a feeling like if you took a break and came back, the workload wouldn't be so difficult to handle anymore. Anyway, I'm glad that your anxiety and depression got better. Recently, my anxiety has gotten a bit better too.

    I hope you feel less stressed soon.
    CB :)

    P.S. The way I fixed my burnout was to stop studying at home for a few weeks (I still studied at school) and let myself not feel guilty about it, focusing instead on doing things which I thought were relaxing. Not sure how feasible this is for your job. Talking or venting to trusted people can sometimes have immediate benefits. Maybe you just have to believe everything will turn out okay in the end even if you have no way of knowing for sure.

  4. cabbagebus
    cabbagebus avatar
    17 posts
    12 February 2021 in reply to cabbagebus
    Also, I recommend looking up the symptoms of burnout and seeing if they sound familiar.
  5. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    11555 posts
    12 February 2021 in reply to cabbagebus
    cabbage that is a good point. The trouble with burnout you get so far in it is hard recognize how you feel .

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