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Topic: struggling. i feel sad every day.

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. alsatianwolf
    alsatianwolf avatar
    6 posts
    25 February 2020

    Hey everyone,

    I'm not feeling so good at the moment. I think it'd be easiest to list my reasons. (I'm 18, female, and 2 years out of school)

    1. My parents are divorced, mum is struggling and we barely have enough money to buy food some weeks.

    2. I did really poorly in year 12 and it has kinda messed up all my options. I then dropped out of uni which has crushed my soul. Thankfully I'm going to tafe in July to study my passion (vet nursing) but I feel devastated that I won't be at uni.

    3. I haven't met any new people in years and I only have 2 close friends to talk to, one of which is someone I don't like to dump my problems on, the other I probably dump too many problems on. I feel incredibly isolated and lonely, which is an understatement. Like I am desperate to meet new people at tafe but I have to wait until July. I have moved house 16 times and moved school 5 times so I don't have any long term friendships.

    4. I have jealousy and possessiveness issues with these friends for some reason so whenever they do something without me I become incredibly anxious and frustrated (toxic mindset, I know).

    5. I am working really hard but barely have any money, it all goes to groceries, petrol, insurance, pet food, rego etc. I can never buy myself clothes.

    6. My mum and brother both have major mental health problems. My mum is also very emotionally distant at the moment and I just crave for her to be interested in talking to me or giving me a hug once in a while. She mostly yells at me for not doing enough. I spend all my time at home alone and don't go out of the house for anything but work.

    7. I have anxiety about so many things. A big one is being close to someone/intimacy. I attempted to be in a relationship in december but I almost threw up before I went on a simple date to his house and couldn't even hold hands with him. Ended up breaking up with him after 3 weeks over text. Adds to this feeling of "I'm going to be alone forever"

    8. I don't want to list things forever but I feel broken and sad every single day. I don't want to go to the GP because my brother is already doing that and I don't want my dad to think we're both disappointments. (he thinks antidepressants are for losers who have given up...)

    good things;

    - I have two dogs and I love them

    - I have nice coworkers and my job isn't too bad

    - I have somewhere safe to live

    - I don't want to hurt myself

    - I just miss how bright I used to be and want to be there again

    Thank you for reading <3

  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    8010 posts
    25 February 2020 in reply to alsatianwolf

    alsatianwolf , welcome to the forum.

    I like the way you have detailed your problems as well as focusing on the positive.

    To the good things list I would add writing about your emotions clearly.

    You are dealing with many issues but you are aware of them.

    I like the way you acknowledge the good things in your life and do you think focusing on them will help.

    You are young and have a life ahead of you. I was a mess at 18 and was not as organised as you nor had the inisghts.

    You can start uni again later in life if you want.

    I think if you can see a doctor and tell them what you have written here, will help work out what you need.

    You will be bright again one day.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful

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