I'm so pleased that your first reply to your post was by Jess. She is a wonderful person who has knowledge and experience and her responses have always been full great advice. I do like your attitude to re-read Jess's response.
I'm a ahh, would you count one year off 50 as being middle aged - oh good, thank you for agreeing with me - I'm a middle aged guy, only 49 and a little bit, going on 28. :)
As Jess mentioned, my dear girl, you are just 20 - and you've got so so much in front of you. Ok, that's possibly a cliché, but it's true - if I knew at 20 what I know now, I would have just settled back and been a lot less of a stressed youngster - hoping for this, wishing for that - when as an older person, I realised that things just do happen. I probably wouldn't have as many damn grey hairs as I do now, if I didn't stress as much at that age.
May I ask, do you work or are you studying at the moment?
I'm so proud of you to hear that you got rid of that jerk who you were with - very similar sentiments to Jess.
You say you didn't choose your face - well, that's a gender thing but it does not change who you are - who you are inside. I so hope that is right, because I was bitten by a dog when I was 2yo and have lived with a mouth that is not the same as everyone else's since then. I've got to where I am now and am still going ok I guess. Doesn't mean though that I still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up, but hey, we can't have everything.
One last thing as Jess said, try not to compare yourself, say to your friend, and also just because she's possibly attracting others, does that mean that she's happy? And with relationships as well - there are a lot of people out there who are in relationships who are struggling with their own lives.
Just take things along slowly - I guess you have been - but I hope you know what I mean. I've asked about work or study. May I ask also if you've got interests/hobbies that you enjoy? Music, movies, books, etc? Would be just nice to know if you've got certain things that you do find enjoyment with?