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Topic: Unsure about the future and its driving me mad.

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. EntangledWithU
    EntangledWithU avatar
    2 posts
    25 April 2021

    For my entire life everything that I loved has been replaced by things I hated.

    I am about to finish high school, 6 months left and my parents want me to become an accountant and continue their accounting business. They say I am very gifted for math, good with computers and that I should apply those skills to help take the family business to the next level, what they do not understand that is I dread every moment when I do the things I am good at.

    People say you should peruse and go do what you love but everything that I used to love in life was snatched away from me. Piano, art, sports, videogames. Every time I go back to those things all I can think about are by teens, stuck in a tiny study scribbling away on a notebook instead of laughing away with friends on the computer or playing tunes on the piano.

    I used to love piano and would play the national anthem at school assembly with the band in the morning and come home from school to play more, nowadays my fingers are stiff and I completely forgot how to play, last year they sold the piano for a car I rarely drive. I prefer to walk to school to ease the pain.

    Life revolves around school. Doing things I hate for an empty dream, for a family business I feel disconnected with.

    I once thought finishing school would mean the freedom to do what I want, but If all the things I can do are the things I hate I'm not sure how long I can keep going.

  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2432 posts
    26 April 2021 in reply to EntangledWithU

    Good Morning EntangledWithU

    I wanted to reach out to you and say welcome to the forum and how proud I am that you have found your way here to share how you are feeling and in being so open and honest. This is a really safe and supportive space and I hope we can chat some more about what is going on for you right now.

    I wanted to start by saying something that I have learnt from talking to people around your age, that is school age and leaving school age people, and that is a huge myth! See "they" say that school is the best years of your life and I could not disagree more, especially in these current times. I feel like there is soo much pressure on our young people to "know what you want to do for the rest of your life", to make choices that are supportive of careers "for the rest of your life"..to know and to commit to courses or activities that sometimes our young people have no idea about. All this does is make people feel useless and hopeless and I believe feel like if they don't know the answer to these questions then there is no future career path.

    I am so sorry you have the pressure of the family business, this is so very much and I am wondering if you have had a conversation with them to let them know of your thoughts and feelings around taking on this business or even accounting in general? I know it sounds hard and daunting and horrific but we can work through that together if you like? I have some suggestions in that space if you would like to chat some more about this.

    WOW, playing the piano at assembly, how wonderful and what a special honor to be asked to do that..wow that is really something. I love piano and used to play as a child, I have not really played in a long time but i love the piano so much. I know you mentioned that everything you loved has been taken away from you, maybe your parents are "thinking" that they are doing the right things by you in buying a car and helping you but in fact they are not, once again may be a conversation here could really make a difference for you.

    I just wanted to mention something about being a parent, see I have two teenage kids and parenting is hard, we don't always get it right, we try and we think we are doing the best we can but sometimes we get it wrong..there is no rule book and there is no guide. So unless we give some feedback to others on how we feel or how they are doing, these things could continue with both parties missing the point.

    Huge hugs to you and I hope to chat some more.

    Sarah

  3. EntangledWithU
    EntangledWithU avatar
    2 posts
    28 April 2021 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thank you very much for the reply Sarah.

    I discussed my future with my parents and I think it worked out great, at first they were quite angry with the fact however they didn't realise how much pressure they were putting on me with the family business. Afterwards they were generally quite understanding that as an individual I wanted to carve my own path and do what I enjoy.

    I agreed to trying my hardest in my studies for the next 6 months and afterwards taking a gap year. If I decide against everything, they'd also be more then happy to have me back at the accounting firm.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2432 posts
    28 April 2021 in reply to EntangledWithU

    OH FANTASTIC....

    What wonderful news from you EntangledWithU. I was so pleased to see you had replied and then to have such positive news from you, this is so great.

    I am so very proud of you for sharing with your parents how you are feeling and to starting the conversation with them as to what you want out of your life and to help them understand what you want your future to look like also. Letting them know how their actions was making you feel is so very important and it is so very brave of you to be able to do this. Well done.

    I hope you feel like you have made some real progress here and also have shown yourself the value in communication too. We sometimes put a whole story together in our heads and play the scenario out how we think it is going to go, and sometimes it turns out completely different. From what you are saying your parents perhaps had no idea how they were making you feel, hence the anger, or maybe it came out as anger but was more shock or surprise. I am just so proud of you for sharing this with them and opening up the conversation with them.

    It is also great that they are taking on board what you have said and are being supportive.

    I am so proud of you, these conversations are not easy but the success you have had with them I hope you remember and will make any future conversations with them a little less daunting.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    14683 posts
    6 May 2021 in reply to EntangledWithU

    Hello EntangledWithU, thanks for your post and thanks to Sarah for replying back to you.

    If you do join your parents want to become an accountant and join their company, initially this may sound to be wish advise, however, the more someone is pushed into being what their parents want, the less inclined that's what they want to do.

    You can't be someone that another person wants you to be, not unless it's encouraging you in what you decide to do, in other words, you can't become a plumber if you don't like getting dirty or if you don't feel comfortable discussing a quote with the person concerned, or if your temperate doesn't allow for any mediation, if however, you have the skills needed then encouragement might help you along to become that particular person.

    Let your own mind develop, too much pressure can create future problems, you have your own choice to make.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful

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